All posts by Tonye

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If you’ve ever felt like life seems to be passing you by, you’re still figuring out who you are, haven’t hit your “sweet spot” yet or fully come into your own, guess what? You are not alone! You might just be, a “late bloomer”!

We all travel different paths in this life and while there may be some points of intersection along the way, we are unique and our paths tend to reflect that truth.

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So you’re wondering if you too are a late bloomer? You’ve come to right place to help you figure that out!There is nothing overly dramatic or mysterious about being a late bloomer. As a child, I often wondered why I seemed to be out of step with my peers and or felt like my path led in a different direction. No, I didn’t have some monumental epiphany; I slowly grew into an awareness of myself, the unique space I held and finally, acceptance that I was a late bloomer!

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With that in mind here are a few quick clues:

1. You feel out of sync with your peers! Have you ever felt like you were on the outside looking in? Slightly out of phase with those around you or your “peer group”? If your answer is yes to any of this, chances are that you’re a late bloomer. I’ve often found that any or all of these “feelings” or sense is the recognition that I’ve yet to fully come into my own maturation at a particular point in time.

2. Your body hasn’t caught up with your mind! In other words, I’m speaking to another aspect of being out of sync with the rest of the world. This includes everything from the physical (i.e. you don’t look your age) to other areas of your life such as marital state, professional positioning, etc.

3. You’re “just” beginning to hit your peak in your life! Unlike your peers or the rest of the world, you intuit the fact that there’s “more” awaiting you; that something transformative is about to take place in your life that will cause a significant shift from the inside out.

Like most things in life, there are no quick and dirty rules for growth or advancements on this journey. One thing we can be sure of is that each of us must strive to avoid comparing ourselves to other people and focus on our unique individual gifts, talents, and paths. Also, being a late bloomer does not translate into resting on our laurels or procrastinating and waiting for life to just happen to us, rather we must choose to live and take action!

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Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog, helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her approach is “the cookie cutter method only works for cookies,” meaning she helps each person in a unique way helps them transform their lives from the inside out. She’s not about helping you lose weight quick. She’s about changing your habits and helping you fall in love with yourself so you can live a life with pure joy.

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Fall cooking

When I think of Fall, I think of cozy fires, a stack of my favorite books in my favorite nook, and the yummy fragrance of savory dishes baking in the oven. Needless to say,  I’ve learned to appreciate the beauty to be found in each season and more recently, to cherish every moment. Fall is a great opportunity to get creative in the kitchen with some awesome healthy fall recipes!

Getting creative with my recipes during the fall and winter seasons

I love the challenge of creating yummy and healthy meals using products that are in season and are ethically and sustainably sourced. Fall veggies ring in a new season of goodness and are a great opportunity to learn more about where my food comes from. Are you making the right choices when it comes to what’s on your plate? I love hardy greens and kale is one of my favorites because it’s so versatile as both a salad base and cooked dishes. Unlike spinach, it holds up well for both cold and hot recipes.

Today’s recipe

Obviously, today’s recipe is centered on kale as the basis for my spicy kale dish favorite! My basic rule for ALL of my recipes is that every dish must have a full-bodied flavor profile and incorporate gut-friendly and anti-inflammatory properties. This is a huge issue for me as I have struggled off and on with digestive maladies and have fully dived into the benefits of using spices and other ingredients that promote gut health.

Squash is another Fall favorite of mine. For this dish, I’ve used butternut squash baked in the oven with a savory blend of fresh garlic and herbs to complete this vegan dish. If you have another favorite or preference, substitute it in place of the butternut squash.

What you will need for this recipe: (Approx. 45-50 mins to prep and cook)

1. Fresh organic kale (yes, people! quick and dirty rule: if you’re going to eat the skin /leaf (s), they need to be organic veggies to limit your exposure to harmful pesticides and herbicides).

2. Fresh butternut squash (conventional non-GMO or organic, depending on your preference and budget).

3. Fresh, fine-chopped garlic (equivalent to 3 tablespoons to one large butternut squash)

4. 2 tablespoons of thyme (fresh or dry; this will be enough to season both the squash and kale).

5. 2 tablespoons of finely chopped chives (organic fresh or dry).

6. 1 tablespoon of curry powder (African curry is what I use for all my Afro-fusion dishes).

More wholesome ingredients for this recipe

7. 1 tablespoon of spicy paprika (this will be enough for both the kale and squash portions of the recipe).

8. 1/2 teaspoon of turmeric (to be used for cooking the kale portion of the dish)

9.  2 tablespoons of Braggs amino acid (to be split equally between the kale and squash portions).

10. 1/2 tablespoon of sea salt, equally portioned between the kale and squash (none of the stripped-down stuff!).

11. 1/2 teaspoon of allspice (equally portioned between the kale and squash).

12. 1 teaspoon of ground African crayfish (eliminate this ingredient if you’re allergic to shellfish or if you want the vegan alternative).

13. 1/4 teaspoon of fresh ground nutmeg.

14. 1/4 cup of olive oil (this will be enough to prepare the kale and butternut squash).

Cooking instructions: Kale

This is a two-part dish with the kale cooked on the stovetop and the butternut squash baked in the oven. It’s not complicated and only requires a bit of organization on your part. First, place a skillet on the stovetop over medium heat and add two tablespoons of olive oil to gradually warm-up(using the two tablespoons of olive oil that was set aside for the kale portion of this recipe).

Next, add your spices and gently mix them together in olive oil and allow the heat to release the aroma. Don’t allow the ingredients to burn, so you need to keep a close eye on this process at this point! Incorporate the chopped garlic and crayfish and allow the mixture to cook for 1 min. Finally, add both the chopped /shredded kale and the chopped chives to the mixture and sauteé for approximately 10-15 mins or until wilted, and then set it aside while you continue prepping the other half of this dish(your greens should still be green and not overcooked!).

Cooking instructions: Butternut squash

First, set your oven to 375ºF, lightly coat your baking dish with 1 tablespoon of olive oil (set aside the second tablespoon of olive oil until you’re ready to season the butternut squash). Wash and peel the butternut squash and then cut it into small to medium-sized cubes and then season with the spices you set aside for this half of the recipe. Next, top the squash with the remaining tablespoon of olive oil making sure that the squash is fully coated in both the olive oil and the spices. Finally, cover the pan with foil and bake for ten minutes on the top rack of the oven. After 10 minutes, remove the foil and place the baking pan on the middle oven rack and back for an additional 15 mins and once it has cooked remove the butternut squash (once it’s medium soft with a light brown tint, it’s done!).

Serving it up

Finally, allow the squash to cool for five minutes, and then plate your creation! Bon appetite and help yourself to the freebies on this page!

P.s. if you’re still on the fence about how to break free into healthy habits CLICK HERE!

Before you go!

Remember that every season has something good to contribute to your life’s experience. That’s also true when it comes to preparing seasonal recipes we feed ourselves and our families.

Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog, helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her approach is “the cookie-cutter method only works for cookies,” meaning she helps each person in a unique way helps them transform their lives from the inside out. She’s not about helping you lose weight quickly. She’s about changing your habits and helping you fall in love with yourself so you can live a life with pure joy.

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Like it or not, food is a huge part of our lives! Considering we need it to live ( nourish, heal, and keep all of our body systems functioning at an optimal level), it’s so important to have the right relationship with our food.

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There is never a good reason to rush through your meal or use it for something other than what’s it’s naturally intended for, etc. Sometimes we allow our lives to get so busy and packed with “noise”, we lose sight of what really matters-our health and wellbeing (i.e. mind, body, and soul).

Don’t live to work, work to live! Quality of life is defined by balance and recognizing that YOU matter and that your health is a huge part of that equation.

In honor of that, I decided to add a new twist to an old recipe of mine for a nutrient dense, spiced kale salad to usher in the Fall season.

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For this quick and easy kale salad recipe, you will need the following ingredients:

1. 3 cups of fresh chopped/shredded organic kale

2. 1/4 cup of thin-sliced onions (I prefer spicy red onions)

3. 1/2 cup of julienned mini sweet bell peppers

4. 7. 1/2 cup of organic riced cauliflower

5. 1/2 cup of fresh, mini portabella mushrooms

6.  1/2 cup of julienned organic carrots

7. 1/4 teaspoon of allspice

8. 1/4 teaspoon of spicy paprika

Additionally, I created my own vinaigrette from scratch since it’s cheaper and far more healthy. When you prep and cook your own meals, it’s not difficult to make a conscious connection between your body and what you choose to put into it! Not only that, it’s easy to make and can be tailored to fit your taste (i.e. spicy and or more savory).

To assemble the recipe first mix the veggies together in a large salad bowl and then sprinkle the spices over your salad mixture. Once all of the ingredients are incorporated together, top off your salad with a vinaigrette dressing of your choosing or simply create your own.

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Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog, helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her approach is “the cookie cutter method only works for cookies,” meaning she helps each person in a unique way helps them transform their lives from the inside out. She’s not about helping you lose weight quick. She’s about changing your habits and helping you fall in love with yourself so you can live a life with pure joy.

[/et_pb_team_member][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]

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We all know how easy it is to reach for unhealthy snacks and quick fixes, especially during the summer heat but there are a number of ways to avoid those pitfalls! Filling and fueling up on nutrient dense smoothies are an excellent way to not only quench your thirst for something cool and creamy but they are also great opportunities to pack in those fruits and veggies we often miss during the hectic work week.

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Don’t be deceived by those fast food restaurant pseudo “healthy” alternatives that are packed with added sugar, mystery syrups, and additives that are claiming to be “fruit” and or yogurt smoothies!  After all, you get what you pay for in this instance. You can’t expect a fast food chain to deliver on healthy, organic and non-GMO at those prices (cheap up front, but you pay for it big time with the gains to your waistline) because the truth is, you will pay more for quality ingredients that have been sustainably sourced.

This is why I make the conscious decision to create healthy smoothies and protein shakes either from scratch or uses a protein powder that I know and trust (based on my own research, reviews, etc). For my smoothie recipes, I use one of my favorite protein mixes (check it out under resources in the fitness favorites section) along with some other varieties I’ve tried from my local health food store.

For my Choco nutrient blast smoothie I’ve created a list of ingredients below:

1. Chocolate vegan shakeology (available via the link on the resources page under fitness favorites or you substitute your own variety that you love).
2. 2 table spoons of organic nonfat vanilla (or plain and just 1/4 teaspoon real vanilla) greek yogurt.
3. 1/2 cup almond milk (or soy, rice milk).
4. 1/2 cup water (cold).
5. 1/4 teaspoon turmeric powder
6. 1/4 teaspoon maca root powder (I add this for an extra punch but you can leave this out if you prefer; also check with your health care provider to make sure this will not interfere with any medications you might be taking).
7. 1/4 teaspoon of ginger powder

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Next, blend all of your ingredients in a high-speed blender and serve cold. You can also allow your smoothie to set in the freezer for 45 minutes for a soft serve creamy delight! Bonne Appetite! Plus, if you’re still clueless about how to begin your journey to clean eating, grab the free guide on this page or book some convo time with me when you visit the coaching and programs page!

[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row admin_label=”Row” _builder_version=”3.0.51″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_team_member admin_label=”Author Bio” _builder_version=”3.0.51″ name=”Tonye Tariah” position=”Freedom At The Crossroads Founder” facebook_url=”https://www.facebook.com/TonyeTariahHealthStrategist/” twitter_url=”https://twitter.com/fit_and_fab2″ image_url=”http://freedomatthecrossroads.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/16403040_732883533553339_4010103490960637755_o.jpg” background_layout=”light” border_style=”solid” animation=”off” saved_tabs=”all”]

Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog, helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her approach is “the cookie cutter method only works for cookies,” meaning she helps each person in a unique way helps them transform their lives from the inside out. She’s not about helping you lose weight quick. She’s about changing your habits and helping you fall in love with yourself so you can live a life with pure joy.

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It’s always fun to come with yummy healthy recipes that are quick and easy! Today, I spent a few minutes pondering my next creative foodie moment.Whenever I craft a recipe in my kitchen, my West African bohemian roots always come out in the mix of all my creations, often resulting in a spicy fusion of yummy-ness (* I know that’s not a word, but it works)!

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As a rule, I always try to combine healthy beneficial spices with organically (and or locally sourced) ingredients in a manner that reflects both my heritage and unique style.  For today, I’ve crafted a simple quick and healthy vegan stew using pre-cooked black beans (you can also use canned organic black beans) and crushed organic tomatoes with basil and Italian spices or you can add your own flavor profile.

Since I love spicy food, I’ve also blended in some Nigerian hot chili powder (you can use a different variety if you’re unable to find an ethnic food store that sells these type of hot chili powder) to this particular dish. Contrary to what you might think, this dish took a total of 15 mins to prepare from start to finish (once all the ingredients were assembled) and it was ready just in time for lunch! When I start to craft a dish, I always to draw on my favorite healthy spices (curry, turmeric, paprika, ginger, etc) and find creative ways to incorporate them into most if not all my dishes.

In this instance, I’ve used incorporated most of these spices into my vegan black bean stew for a quick and nutrient dense meal with enough servings to carry me through a hectic work week.

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What you’ll need to get started:

1. 1 can of (or cup of pre-cooked ) organic black beans.

2. 1/2 cup of organic quinoa (cook this separately).

3. 1 can of organic stewed crushed tomatoes (you can also buy the Italian spiced variety)

4. 1/4 of a cup of fresh basil leafs (set a few leaves to the side for garnish).

5. 3 table spoons of olive oil.

6. 1 tea spoon of curry powder

7. 1/2 tea spoon of turmeric powder

8. 2 small cloves of fresh fine chopped garlic (or 1/2 tea spoon of garlic powder).

9.  1/4 tea spoon of dried thyme ( I prefer to use a tea spoon of fresh chopped thyme).

10. 1/4 tea spoon of ginger powder

11. 1 tea spoon of hot Nigerian chili powder.

12. 1 tea spoon of allspice.

13. 1/4 cup of red onions (fine chopped).

14. 1 table spoon Braggs amino acid (or 1 table spoon of sea salt).

Cooking Instructions:

Once you’ve assembled all of your ingredients, place your pot on medium heat and add your olive oil once the pot is well heated. Next, begin to add your spices to the hot olive oil in order to release and fully mix your spices together. Once you’ve done this, add the chopped onions and garlic, allowing them to briefly simmer until translucent. You can then incorporate the crushed tomatoes and allow this to further simmer over medium heat. Next, add your black beans and stir as you add the chopped basil to the final mixture. Bon appetite!

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Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog, helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her approach is “the cookie cutter method only works for cookies,” meaning she helps each person in a unique way helps them transform their lives from the inside out. She’s not about helping you lose weight quick. She’s about changing your habits and helping you fall in love with yourself so you can live a life with pure joy.

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A nostalgic spin on Nigerian breakfast foods

It’s no secret that I love food, and I love food that is well done and prepared with soul! Having my roots in West Africa means that I love it spicy, exotic, and of course, healthy. Preparing healthy and sustainable meals is not difficult if you take the time to prioritize your health by planning out your meals, sourcing healthy and pesticide-free produce, meats, etc as well as eliminating or minimizing processed foods from your kitchen. This Nigerian fusion omelet is full of spice and lots of healthy ingredients!

My family’s version of this Nigerian fusion omelet:

Today I’m providing a sneak peek into my kitchen with this spicy omega-rich Nigerian-style omelet. keep in mind that most if not all the ingredients are either locally sourced, organic, and sustainable! To begin with, you can’t have your Nigerian-inspired omelet without smoked sardines in olive oil (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!) and fresh scotch bonnet peppers because these two ingredients are important aspects of this particular flavor profile. Listed below are all the necessary ingredients for putting your own unique spin on a favorite meal back home!

Ingredients for your Nigerian fusion omelet:

Smoked canned sardines in olive oil

Farm fresh eggs (local or organic will do the job as well)

Scotch bonnet peppers (use 1/2 of one small pepper if you can’t tolerate a lot of spice), chopped fine.

medium bell pepper (color is irrelevant), finely diced

1 small onion, finely chopped

1/4 cup of finely chopped basil (this is an added ingredient for a deeper flavor and nutrient profile)

1/4 Teaspoon of dried thyme (1/8 cup, fresh and finely chopped)

1/2 teaspoon of curry powder

1/4 teaspoon of spicy paprika

1/4 teaspoon of garlic powder (you can also use fresh garlic that is finely minced)

1/2 teaspoon of sea salt

1/8 teaspoon of turmeric powder

1/8 teaspoon of cumin powder

2 tablespoons of olive oil

Cooking Instructions for Nigerian Fusion Omelet:

Once all the ingredients are prepped, simply warm your skillet, add the two tablespoons of olive oil (allow it to fully heat), and then add your aromatic spices and gently mix them in the pan. This will allow the flavor to fully express even as you add the other ingredients to the omelet.

Next, combine your chopped ingredients with the mixture and gently sauteé for two to three minutes at medium heat, and then incorporate your smoked sardines. Finally, whip together your eggs with a bit of salt and fully incorporate this mixture into the sauteéd ingredients.  The final step is to gently turn the omelet on each side to cook for 2 minutes or based on your preference (i.e. some people enjoy an omelet that is looser than others).

For a more authentic flavor, I also add two tablespoons of almond milk for a creamier texture but you can use canned evaporated tin milk for the authentic flare of how we do it back home! Enjoy!

Final thoughts regarding fusion recipes

Regardless of how “traditional” a recipe might be, everyone adds a little bit of “themselves” to their version. Most folks have their own version of this spicy Nigerian fusion omelet recipe that reflects both regional and local influences. When I was a child, my mom fused her own background to the recipes she cooked; often adding a little bit of black American influences to a lot of her dishes. This version of my Nigerian fusion omelet reflects a lot of my childhood faves and now you can add your flare to this recipe as well! Also, for another quick and healthy recipe check out this post

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Before you embark on that “fitness journey”, there are two things you need to ask yourself: 1. Why am I doing this? 2. What do I want to gain by the end of this process? (what’s your purpose). If you’re still scratching your heads on that one let me help you by giving you the definition of both “why” and “purpose”. The word why refers to a reason or explanation for carrying out a certain action, while the word purpose means a fixed design or outcome; a fixed intention.

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We’re all guilty of jumping into things without fully understanding or gathering enough information before we embark on a course of action.  This varies from person to person but my point is,  really think about why you need to do this otherwise, it just becomes an exercise in futility!

Two questions you need to ask yourself before you sign up for a personal trainer are:
1. Why am I doing this?
2. What is my purpose for taking this journey?

A lot of times we set ourselves up for failure because we either don’t ask the right questions or we don’t have an objective in mind. As the saying goes, “if you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there!”

Plus, are you doing all of “this” for the right reasons; in other words,  what’s the driving force behind this decision? Once, again this brings me back to the whole notion of digging deep inside to figure what it is that you really want for yourself and is it in alignment with your needs as an individual. For instance, if I say I’m going to lose weight simply because I’m tired of feeling judged by other “people”, is not going to keep me motivated or determined to achieve the end goal. As a matter of fact, it’s more likely to frustrate and depress me and ultimately leaving me worse off.

Also, if you’re struggling to find time for yourself (i.e. self-care ), you’re less likely to make informed decisions about your fitness and health. Afterall, when you put yourself at the bottom of your list of priorities, you’re out of gas by the time you get to figure out your own needs, a.k.a. clueless!

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Having said of all of that, there is nothing wrong with signing up for a gym membership or even going so far as to hire a personal trainer. This is especially true if you’re not sure where to start or you’ve  been off your routine for a long time (form trumps number reps every time). All of this ties into your needs and vision for this entire transformation process and why it’s so important that you ask yourself the hard questions.

At the end of the day, you can have all of the support, latest tech, and gadgets but if you are embarking on this journey for the wrong reasons you will fail. You will fail not because it was too hard or you lacked the will power, you will fail because you didn’t have a clearly defined why and purpose at the fore front of your path.

[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row admin_label=”Row” _builder_version=”3.0.51″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_team_member admin_label=”Author Bio” _builder_version=”3.0.51″ name=”Tonye Tariah” position=”Freedom At The Crossroads Founder” facebook_url=”https://www.facebook.com/TonyeTariahHealthStrategist/” twitter_url=”https://twitter.com/fit_and_fab2″ image_url=”http://freedomatthecrossroads.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/16403040_732883533553339_4010103490960637755_o.jpg” background_layout=”light” border_style=”solid” animation=”off” saved_tabs=”all”]

Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog, helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her approach is “the cookie cutter method only works for cookies,” meaning she helps each person in a unique way helps them transform their lives from the inside out. She’s not about helping you lose weight quick. She’s about changing your habits and helping you fall in love with yourself so you can live a life with pure joy.

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We all know exercise is good for us but most of us either don’t get enough of it or none at all! At the start of every new year or season, gyms are flooded with people hoping to lose weight and get healthy. The sad truth is that more than 80% of those who start a gym membership stop going (i.e. get discouraged, etc) and fail to meet those fitness and weight loss goals!

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At the risk of being bombarded with emails to the contrary, I stand by this statement (plus, I do have the facts to back this up!). I spent several fruitless and frustrating years and yes money, on a gym membership hoping to lose the extra pounds around my waistline as well to get on track with my fitness and health. Like any other sane individual, I eventually got tired of spinning my wheels on that particular hamster wheel going nowhere and came to the realization that, I had been pedaled a load of hog wash by good marketing, old-school celebrity trainers and a sometimes well-meaning media that often miseducates rather than inform!

For a while, I faithfully went to the gym, attended group classes with ambitious names (extreme kickboxing, power yoga, etc) and even signed up for private sessions with a personal trainer. By the end of few weeks, I was frustrated, sore, and burned out without any real results. I knew I couldn’t expect overnight progress, but I should have felt more energized and balanced; the opposite was the case! Instead of feeling enthusiastic, energized and more in tune with both my mind and body, I felt like a failure and working out was becoming a real chore! I had personal trainers telling me to sign up for more sessions, take this or that “supplement” and “rinse and repeat”!

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Okay, I told myself. Enough is enough and I’m done with the crazy gimmicky, one-trick pony approach to trying to make change happen! After several failed attempts at the gym (I know, going to the gym works for some people, but it’s not for everyone) I decided to become my own advocate and solution bringer. I actually asked myself some hard questions, looked in the mirror and took the steps I needed to effect those necessary life changes, by educating myself about fitness and health in a way that  made sense for not just me but would make sense to the average busy woman out there who was also tired of “cookie-cutter” approaches that are nothing more than a source of frustration and failure!

I was done with allowing the media and marketing to dictate my health rather than providing true and sustainable solutions to real health concerns. What ultimately led to my transformation was an actual internal shift in mindset that radiated outward into all areas of my life; an approach to my personal health by making a much-needed shift in mind-body engagement. Few people in the fitness industry will tell you that real fitness and health, begins in the mind and is sustained by making that mind-body connection that works from the inside out. Boom! So simple and yet so complex; but once you get it, you’re unstoppable and well on your way to a healthier version of you!

Now for all of those people who are still stumbling along in the dark; get off the crazy train start your journey by asking yourself the following questions:

1. What do I want my life to look like?
2. What do I see when I look in the mirror
3. Am I healthy enough to get there?
4. Am I worth it?

[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row admin_label=”Row” _builder_version=”3.0.51″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_team_member admin_label=”Author Bio” _builder_version=”3.0.51″ name=”Tonye Tariah” position=”Freedom At The Crossroads Founder” facebook_url=”https://www.facebook.com/TonyeTariahHealthStrategist/” twitter_url=”https://twitter.com/fit_and_fab2″ image_url=”http://freedomatthecrossroads.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/16403040_732883533553339_4010103490960637755_o.jpg” background_layout=”light” border_style=”solid” animation=”off” saved_tabs=”all”]

Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog, helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her approach is “the cookie cutter method only works for cookies,” meaning she helps each person in a unique way helps them transform their lives from the inside out. She’s not about helping you lose weight quick. She’s about changing your habits and helping you fall in love with yourself so you can live a life with pure joy.

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Over last few weeks have been a roller-coaster of emotions. I have experienced creative highs as well as some dark days filled with sorrow. Nevertheless, I must express my heart today. I am beyond thankful and humbled by all the outpouring of support and engagement that has been directed towards me and my blog space. How do you define a moment when you achieve a major milestone in your life or a pivotal moment along the course of your journey?

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I feel vindicated and freed by my commitment to be authentic and real with everyone who visits and engages with me in this space. While it hasn’t been all sweetness and roses (but really, when is that ever the case in life?), I say thank you.  Sometimes we fail to see the impact we have on the lives around us, but it is real and makes a difference. My dream and passion have always been to impact as many lives as possible in this world. A life of purpose and passion will always cultivate growth and so I say, please accept my thanks and gratitude for blessing this space with your diversity of thought and discourse.

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The growth of this site is a testament to the authenticity and diversity of thought and discourse! Through thoughtful and humane engagement with my fellow global citizens, I continue to press forward to creating and maintaining a space where growth, mindfulness, and life lived to the fullest is encouraged. May your journey be one of growth, power, and fulfillment as you allow yourself to get comfortable with being uncomfortable!

Blessings,

T.I.B.👣

[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row admin_label=”Row” _builder_version=”3.0.51″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_team_member admin_label=”Author Bio” _builder_version=”3.0.51″ name=”Tonye Tariah” position=”Freedom At The Crossroads Founder” facebook_url=”https://www.facebook.com/TonyeTariahHealthStrategist/” twitter_url=”https://twitter.com/fit_and_fab2″ image_url=”http://freedomatthecrossroads.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/16403040_732883533553339_4010103490960637755_o.jpg” background_layout=”light” border_style=”solid” animation=”off” saved_tabs=”all”]

Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog, helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her approach is “the cookie cutter method only works for cookies,” meaning she helps each person in a unique way helps them transform their lives from the inside out. She’s not about helping you lose weight quick. She’s about changing your habits and helping you fall in love with yourself so you can live a life with pure joy.

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Women behaving badly (“female toxicity”)

Today I decided to express my thoughts on a troubling and destructive behavior I’ve come across in recent weeks. While I know that a number of women often fall victim to the comparison monster and their images of self,  I’ve never grown accustomed to those who choose to victimize other women (aka female toxicity). They do this instead of seeking the necessary healing and personal development they need in order to break free from these destructive practices!

What do I mean?

Well, I’m referring to a toxic interaction I had with another female author on the issue of “fat-shaming” and it’s effects on women who have been victimized by it. In our discussion, this individual chooses to engage in a form of cyberbullying rather than express her opinions and move on (i.e. agree to disagree). It is never a good or honorable thing to project one’s issues, pain, insecurities, or perceived shortcomings, onto another individual regardless of your stance on a particular topic!

A little bit of what women and girls face daily

Women face a constant barrage of “noise” and obstacles. We often face gender inequality, skewed images of beauty, and misogyny from both society and media.  I refuse to be silent in the face of such toxicity without both challenging and speaking to the issue of bullying in larger terms. We live in an age where hate is being normalized and misogyny is being masqueraded as “plain speaking” or “politically incorrect”.  Even body-shaming (fat-shaming and body shaming in general terms), is being viewed as appropriate, justified, humorous, and everyday speech!

I’m never okay with a bully!

I can recall an old African proverb that states “Ashes fly back into the face of him (or in this case, her) who throws them.” It is my hope that all the “adults” in this digital space, have made the same calculation and are evolved enough to state their cases. Just, move on without trying to demean or bully (i.e. engage in female toxicity) others in the process.

It is true that in some instances, the abused often becomes the abuser for a variety of reasons (unresolved pain points, lack of treatment, etc). I’ll leave it there because I feel this is best left to the experts out there.

We have all been wounded at some point in our lives, but the real victory, healing, and wholeness (i.e. growth) come from facing and or addressing our issues. Rather than projecting with the aim of deriving relief through the victimization of others, get some healing!  Experience and observation have shown me that this is neither healthy nor sustainable. Ultimately, it is self-destructive and creates an inauthentic and damaged version of self.

Crabs in a barrel mentality

For women, that “need” to compare ourselves to other women with the desperate hope of becoming “her” or tearing “her” down will never fill that “hole”. Female toxicity is often left by wounds that have been left to fester through either neglect, ignorance, choice, or some combination of all three. Add to that the dimension of socio-cultural pressures, and it becomes a toxic yoke that calls for a level of internal work that is difficult to achieve without professional help.

The “Suck”

That also depends on the amount of “deep work” needed and a willingness to embrace the “suck”. While I’m intimately acquainted with being both victim and perpetrator of this, I made the personal commitment and decision to get off of that crazy train embrace my authentic self. Yes, I had to embrace my flaws and free myself in the process.

The media and culture’s contribution to this toxicity

Every day, I see a stream of images and myths from both the media and society. Then, I make the decision to own who I am and not allow anyone else to dictate my truth. We all have to make that decision, the question is, are you willing to grow? To regress into bitterness, pain, and destruction?  Or do you chose to live a life of freedom and authenticity? For me, that’s an easy decision!

Final thoughts 

Female toxicity is a problem we’ve been dealing with for a while. I also, know that we are all at different stages in our personal growth and life journeys. The fact is, we have choices and while they might not all be the ones we would like or find comfortable, we still have to choose! I hope you pick ones that honor the dignity of all humans and foster growth instead of chaos and narrow mindedness. Be careful of what you allow to grow in your “garden”.

Before you go!

A good start towards breaking that cycle is through radical self-care. You can read more right here in“14 Ways To Love Yourself 365 Days A Year”!

Also, detox your kitchen pantry” and grab my FREE Pantry Detox Gude GUIDE HERE!

Want to eat more healthily? Get my Introductory Produce, Shopping Guide grab a copy HERE!!

About the author

Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog. She helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her belief is that “the cookie-cutter method only works for cookies”. This means that she helps each woman in a way that is unique to each. By doing this, she’s better able to help them transform their lives from the inside out. Her ultimate goal is to help women become healthy and empowered through the transformative self-care journey!