Embracing wellness

As we wind down the holiday season this Christmas, let’s remember to selfcare and do it, unapologetically! Now more than ever, it’s critical that women normalize selfcare beyond the holidays. Historically women have carried the emotional, physical and mental labor of caring for others and neglecting themselves. This is especially true of Black women who have disproportionately born the weight of servicing and caring for other people and communities.

A bit of historic context

For those who are “unaware”, the collective of women globally, have carried the weight of catering to the needs of family and community for generations. In the diaspora (Caribbean , North America, etc), black women endured the added burden and trauma of chattel slavery. The patriarchal and racist systems of oppression made selfcare inaccessible to black women.

So, how can you, as a black woman, normalize, decolonize and reclaim selfcare in order to access it’s benefits:

Reframe your committment to making selfcare a daily habit.

Unlike what is often presented in mainstream media, selfcare doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive. It is literally a sacred ritual and practice dedicated to honoring your needs and refilling your cup. For black women and other women of color, there are added processes that need to be in place in order to effectively selfcare. First, it must be reframed around our own cultural and ancestral ties. This includes, de-centering both patriarchy and white supremacy. Next, we must recognize the impact of generational trauma on black female bodies and do the work to heal those wounds. Selfcare is therefore more than self nourishment, but a sacred healing ritual that includes a spiritual component as well. It can be as simple as taking a few minutes each day to do something that makes you feel good, a gratitude practice, ancestral remembrance , etc.

Find what works for you

Selfcare looks different for everyone, so it’s important to find what works for you. What makes you feel relaxed and rejuvenated? What helps you recharge after a long day? Some people might find solace in nature, while others might prefer meditation. What about your spiritual practices? Experiment with different selfcare practices or rituals until you find what resonates with you. Also, begin to make space to honor your journey and cultural traditions.

Time is precious and a privilege that a lot of black women don’t have

One of the biggest barriers to selfcare is time. It’s easy to put off taking care of ourselves when we have so many other things to do. But the truth is, selfcare is just as important as any other task on your to-do list. Make time for it by scheduling it into your day or week. Treat it like an important appointment that you can’t miss. Having said that, in order to get the time you need, you might need to lean into employee benefits and resources. When finances are an issue, sometimes community resources are the most beneficial.

Loose that cape sis

As a community, black women have been conditioned to expend and exhaust their labor and energy for the good of others. It’s almost a default state most revert to when challenged to take time to rejuvenate. Guilt, judgement etc. have been baked in as a response to any notion of selfcare-it’s selfish to put yourself before anyone else! We’re conditioned to put others needs before our own, but selfcare is not selfish or incidental. It’s critical for our mental, physical, and emotional well-being. Let go of the guilt and give yourself permission to prioritise selfcare. Also, releasing that “cape” will uncover some of the ugly roots of this mindset-it’s a fruit of the “slavery tree”. But that’s a topic for another discussion.

Create a support system you need

Selfcare is more fun and effective when you do it with others. Create a support system of friends or family members who are also committed to prioritising selfcare. You can share ideas, motivate each other, and hold each other accountable. More importantly, create and curate a community of people who share your values and goals. This will go a long way in helping you maintain the life you want. During the holiday season, we often feel the added pressure to “serve” others instead of doing what is right for ourselves and our wellbeing. Instead, let’s use this time to put selfcare beyond the holidays, into operation.

Some final thoughts and considerations

In conclusion, normalizing selfcare beyond the holidays, special occasions, etc. is about recognizing that taking care of yourself, is a year-round thing! Not only that, it is both life saving and life affirming. As Black women, it is critically important not just for healthy living, but for healing as well. Breaking toxic generational cycles, requires selfcare. Ultimately, it’s about making selfcare a daily habit, finding what works for you, making time for it, letting go of guilt, and creating a support system. By prioritizing selfcare, you’ll not only feel better but also be better equipped to handle the challenges that come your way.

At the end of the day, selfcare beyond the holidays, needs to be your mantra for the rest of the year and going forward. It’s not you being needy, whinny, or some other socio-cultural shaming terminology. This is you making your health and well being, the center of how you move through this world.  

Here are just some of the barriers to selfcare for Black and other women of color

It’s important to note that for black women and other women of color, there are other barriers to selfcare that need to be mentioned and here are just a few examples:

A lack of representation

Black Women often express the fact that the mainstream wellness industry does not represent their needs and preferences. The lack of representation can lead to feeling excluded, invisible, and not valued. It can also lead to difficulty finding resources that are culturally sensitive and appropriate.

Intersectional discrimination

Black Women and other women of colour often face multiple forms of discrimination, such as racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, and ableism. These forms of oppression cause stress, anxiety, and trauma, which can make it difficult to prioritize self-care.

Systemic barriers

Black women face systemic barriers to accessing self-care resources, such as limited financial resources, lack of affordable and accessible healthcare, limited access to healthy food options, and lack of safe and supportive environments. The stats don’t lie, the health and well being of black women will always be impacted as long as these systems of oppression remain in place. This is also why selfcare, is non negotiable.

Caregiving responsibilities

Here again, black women have historically been expected to take on caregiving responsibilities for their families and communities, which can make it challenging to find time for self-care. The pressure to put others’ needs before their own has led to feelings of guilt and self-neglect.

Mental health stigma

Black women and other woc of color may face stigma and shame around mental health, which can prevent them from seeking help and support. The fear of being perceived as weak or vulnerable can lead to self-isolation and a reluctance to engage in self-care practices that may benefit their mental health. For many of us, the “strong black woman” cape has often led to our demise. The socio-cultural conditioning around putting other peoples needs ahead of our own are rooted in both patriarchy and white supremacy. For black women, it is especially important to de-colonize our mindset around black female bodies in order to facilitate our own healing and replenishment.

Some final thoughts

At the end of the day, as long as patriarchy, misogyny and white supremacy, shape the institutions and Sytems of our world, Black women will need to move strategically.  Normalizing selfcare beyond the holidays for many black women will seem revolutionary because it requires “taking up space”. That means refusing to neglect your own health and wellbeing in a time that has historically called on us to shrink and labor for others. That time is over ladies. There’s hope and a path forward for us and that is- adaptive selfcare. In this time, we reclaim and decolonize this sacred practice. Taking off the cape and refusing to set ourselves on fire to keep others comfortable, is just the beginning. Learning to identify and recognize the Sytems in operation to limit our access to this sacred work, is the next phase. Click here to read more about selfcare for women, here.

We’re well into the summer, and the dry air, heat, etc can be brutal on those locks sis! Since I’m always on the hunt for natural alternatives, I’ve found 5 natural ingredients for healthy hair, that seem to always score at the top of my list. Climate, stress, diet, etc can really impact the health of your hair. So for me, natural and minimal ingredients are my choice to work to heal and protect my hair and scalp. Natural ingredients will almost always out do those store bought versions that are loaded with chemicals. Have you heard about the latest scandals around some of the brands marketing to black women? Yeah, you know the ones that are accused of containing harmful chemicals that are possibly cancer causing? Well, today I’m highlighting 5 natural ingredients for healthy hair, in a simple DIY recipe. My list/ recipe came about from my own journey and simply what has worked best for me.

Reflections on my Selfcare vacation

I’m closing out my selfcare Merida vacation by making sure I hit some of the local sights. Manifesto coffee does not disappoint here in centro historical de Merida. It’s got cute and cozy vibes coupled with a sense of safety that I typically don’t feel in the United States. The vibes, service and menu are just what I was craving. Selfcare is also about curating both your space and your vibe. For me, hanging out here to people watch, blog and just exist in a chill space, was part of that experience. While there are spaces that are similarly quaint in the U.S. and anti-blackness is global, my experience here as a Black woman, was unmatched!

My perspectives as a Black woman

For instance, while I consider myself to be a mindful and vigilant  female traveler, the sense of safety and ease as a black woman, is unmatched here. There’s no veiled hostility, micro aggression vibes, or wondering if I’ll need to break out the pepper spray for some guy who can’t handle a simple “no” or “not interested”.  Also, I don’t have to worry about the next random mass shooting here either! Needless to say, this selfcare Merida vacation was definitely needed.

The Merida vibes

While Merida may have lost it’s spot at the top as the second safest city in North America, the fact remains that it is an awesome place to just rest, replenish and exist without the collective trauma one experiences living life on the daily in the US. It’s only when one has the opportunity to travel beyond our immediate bubble, that we realize the crazy toxic rat race we live in is not normal (You can get some great ideas from one of my previous post here)!  On a side note,  Yes, there is racism in Mexico.  But, the American version is so poisonous and foundational to its structures.

Adding to your selfcare toolkit

A lot of times, it’s not enough to just take a few days off from the rat race. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your mental and emotional health is to, leave! Changing your physical environment can be extremely therapeutic and healing. For instance, taking something similar to my Selfcare Merida vacation, can be just what the doctor ordered. Not only does a change of location remove you from stresses in your environment, it gives you the space to focus on yourself. Society and culture have conditioned women to put the needs and desires of others, ahead of their own. It also reinforces this lack of care through guilt, religion, etc. All of this, is unhealthy and unstainable.

A few studies and thoughts

There are several recent studies to address the impact of racism, gender inequality, etc on women, particularly Black women. For all the skeptics out there, you can read about it in this article by Allana T. Forde PhD, MPH et.al. Another article by Stephanie Brooks, et.al studies this from the lens of gender. Since institutional racism, discrimination, etc is not going away anytime soon, the key is to have strategies in place. Having a selfcare toolkit is a life-saving solution to not just survive, but to thrive.  Unfortunately, now more than ever, women are facing rollbacks of human rights, bodily autonomy, gender-based violence, etc. While this was also true in the past, technology and women pushing back against patriarchy, misogyny, racism, etc has escalated the dangers faced by women.

More thoughts on this

The reality is, freedom, self-determination and equality, will always face pushback from those who benefit from both oppression and inequality. When it comes to female labor, reproduction, resources, etc, exploiters/oppressive institutions, will always resort to violence in some form, in order to maintain dominance. With this in mind, women, globally, must utilize all aspects of selfcare and expand what it means, in order to address our current state. Sounds radical; I know, you weren’t expecting “this” version of selfcare. The version of selfcare that’s pedaled on mainstream social media, does not live here! My selfcare Merida vacation, was designed to heal, decompress and shore up my protections against all of what we face as women, especially as a Black woman.

Final thoughts

While my selfcare Merida vacation might be seen as a privilege (I recognize that my privilege in being to be able to expand my selfcare in this manner), we all must plan and define what goes into our own life-saving, selfcare toolkits. It is individual and tailored to meet the unique needs of each woman across the globe. Is it environmental safety? Is it physical protection/safety? Yes, all of these things should be considered when building your toolkit. As a selfcare and health coach for Black women over 40, this is something I do for myself as well as my clients. We live in an era of both tremendous change as well as real danger for women everywhere. Move strategically ladies!