Category Self Love

Selfcare and the realities of setting boundaries for black women

It’s hard enough learning and setting boundaries, as a woman. As usual, when it comes to black women living and existing in America, that becomes even more of a challenge. Black women are exhausted but still expected to show up 100% at home and in the workplace. For the average black woman, there is no room for selfcare or taking a mental health day. Often times, they are expected by society and culture to exist and toil for the benefit of others and that, in itself should be reward enough!

Some observations about selfcare as a black woman

 The struggle is real and can often seem daunting especially when you consider all of the intersections that we as black women have to navigate daily. Also, historically and culturally, women have been conditioned to allow others to access our labour and resources to the point of exhaustion, if not death. As a matter of fact, it has been so normalized that when we start reclaiming our power and setting boundaries, they are often met with resistance and hostility from unexpected places. It does not matter that Black women are exhausted, stressed and many in poor health due to a lack of selfcare and setting boundaries.

It starts in the mind

I hate to sound cliche but selfcare, selflove, etc regardless of where you are in the world, begins in the mind! It’s also why so many “forces” (i.e. patriarchy, misogyny, etc) don’t want women to access selfcare and are so violently opposed to these concepts. While patriarchy and misogny(noir) are not new-they’ve been in operation for millennia, what is new is the global awakening of women. In order to access selfcare and selflove, you have to first become self aware.

What does that mean?

What this means is that, Black women are coming to the realization that we are human before our we are women, and we don’t need to prove our worth to anyone. It also means freeing our minds from the societal and cultural indoctrination (domestication) that has gaslit women into thinking they don’t deserve to live autonomously or have the right to pursue their dreams, grow, etc.

Black women are exhausted and have been so, for a long time

For much of our time here in North America, particularly here in the U.S., black women have been the proverbial “canaries in the coal mines” of society and culture. Our labour, resources and energy have been siphoned from us, without our consent. The few occasions when consent has been granted it was often under duress or outright deception. Now, the tide is changing as black women and women globally awaken to reclaim their autonomy, resources and power. Needless to say, those who have long benefited from the subjugation of women, are in violent opposition and unhappy to say the least.

Black women at the intersection of patriarchy and white supremacy

Because of patriarchy and white supremacy, Black women have historically borne the brunt of inequity and discrimination. As a result, we’ve been disproportionately affected by the impacts of these poisonous systems and their institutions. Whether it is maternal health outcomes, treatment in the justice system, etc, Black women are the most harmed. In short, Black women are exhausted from the seemingly never ending task of navigating these systems and conditions. Awakening to these realities, rather than remaining on the hamster wheel going no where, is the beginning of the selfcare journey!

A brief reminder of her-story

Arguably, women globally have been the observers and harbingers of what’s coming as we have watched patriarchy destroy both humanity and the planet. Women are relearning “her-story” and coming to realize that we have been lied to and outright bamboozled!  Yes, before all of “this” we had power, were builders, and protectors of both humanity and the planet. In short, equality and equity have always translated into alignment and universal balance as it is the universal order of things.

Selfcare strategies to save your mind and body

Being a woman is unlike anything in the universe and we need to start walking in our power and truth. To begin to do that, we need each need selfcare strategies and tools that we help us thrive and not just survive on this blue globe! Our default does not have be exhaustion,stress and dis-ease. Consistent selfcare means a reduction in stress, fatigue and illness. It also means a far better quality of life and the ability to focus on those interests that elevate our lives. Research has shown that repeated stress, trauma, etc age and cause disease in all areas of the body. This also impacts our mental health status. You can read more on selfcare right here!

So why the shift?

The shift is taking place as more and more black women connect globally. Through social media and other platforms, black women are not just sharing stories and experiences, we are sharing knowledge. As more of awaken to the damages and lies of patriarchy, misogyny and anti-blackness, we are moving strategically. With knowledge and healing comes the ability to get off the altar of other people’s expectations. In this way, we reclaim our health, dreams and passions. Global politics, especially as it pertains to North America, has been a huge eye opener for black women. As we watch women’s rights be dismantled, the stripping away of reproductive rights, etc, it’s clear to see the writing on the wall. Be sure to tune into my YouTube channel as I really go “in” on this!

Final Thoughts

As more and more black women realize the options available to them globally, the more the fire and fight for true liberation burns. The myth of black excellence, proving yourself to justify your worth, begging for a seat at the table of institutional racism, etc is crumbling. Now, black women are finally beginning to make choices that are in their best interest and most of that is founded on selfcare and healing. Additionally, as more black women to begin to seek therapy, do the internal work, etc,  we can expect the societal impact to hit even harder. Arguably, that’s why those who have benefited from unchecked access to black women’s labor are getting more upset and loud about it. News flash: stay mad!

Staying fit and healthy through the holiday season

We all know how busy the holiday season can get especially when you’ve got multiple tasks to juggle. Let’s not even talk about trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle! This is why I’ve pulled together 5 women’s fitness and self-care tips to get you through the holidays!

The holidays can be super emotional around this time of year, given what we’re all dealing with globally. But we can’t allow our health and wellbeing to suffer because our bodies need all the support we can give them. This is true particularly for women, with multi-tasking and trying to stay on budget. A lot of us or our neighbors have lost jobs, fallen sick with, lost loved ones, etc.

What can we do to stay healthy (even during a pandemic)?

Even if we feel like we have no control over what’s happening locally and globally, there are a ton of things we can do to not just stay healthy, but make our lives more meaningful and infused with joy this holiday season. You don’t need a lot of money or complicated skills to do a lot of little things that will make a huge difference for the mind-body-soul connection.

With these 5 women’s fitness and self-care tips, you’ll be able to carve out time for yourself without getting overwhelmed. Part of being there for your family means being there for yourself when you give your needs the attention they deserve.

With that in mind here are a few powerful tips you can get and stay in “shape” this season

These are just a few tried and true solutions I’ve used over the years for myself as well as clients. The key takeaway is that you are the only one who can make these changes in your life. No one can or will do this for you so if you want to get healthy and stay that way even in tough times, do the work.

1. Start your day with a 5-10 minute “self-check” session. Lay in bed or sit in a quiet place and just take stock of how your body feels, your mood, and your general mindset. This will help ground you as well as keep you from stressing out at the start of your day.

2. Get your body moving (formal exercise or just a quiet walk). When you get your body in motion it triggers the release of those “feel-good” chemicals in your brain, releases tension, and increases focus. It’s good for your cardiovascular system as well as your mental health.

3.  Take 10-15 mins to meditate and set your intentions for the day. This allows you to focus on the activities that will give positive results rather than the negative. There is a lot of truth to the phrase “create your happy”. When you direct your thoughts and energy to those things that yield “good” outcomes, etc you’re less likely to get stressed out and overwhelmed. You feel more aligned, in control as well as focused on the things you want to achieve.

Now for the internal

4. Drink a cup of daily detox tea, water, or smoothie. If you need a few ideas, start with my super green smoothie right here!  Also, this recovery smoothie is awesome as both a  post-workout and a detox smoothie. The ingredients have anti-inflammatory as well as nutritional benefits. This helps to cleanse the body of harmful toxins, by-products of chemical processes in the body as well as support your body’s natural self-healing abilities.

5. Substitute healthy ingredients for “unhealthy” ingredients in your favorite fall and winter must-have meals. That also includes “detoxing” your fridge and pantry so that you have budget-friendly healthy meal options. If you’re  not sure where to begin, grab my FREE Pantry Detox Gude GUIDE HERE

Also, for a complete Introductory Produce, Shopping Guide grab a copy HERE!!

Final thoughts

Be grateful for those little things in our lives that create beauty in their simplicity.  Also, stop focusing on the things that are beyond your control and literally choose joy and positivity instead of the negative. This will also help you feel better physically and less drained energetically. Remember, you’ve got this and you are not alone!

About the author

Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog. She helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her belief is that “the cookie-cutter method only works for cookies”. This means that she helps each woman in a way that is unique to each woman. By doing this, she’s better able to help them transform their lives from the inside out. Her ultimate goal is to help women become healthy and empowered through the transformative self-care journey!

For me, nothing says self-care like a homemade creamy avocado face mask. My unending love affair with avocados, won’t be over anytime soon, lol! Today I decided to share one of my go-to Avocado face masks that are great for a dewy complexion and a must for the summertime (I’ve switched up my recipe since my last blog post and this version is just as awesome).

DIY Fresh Avocado Face Mask: Ingredients

1. Avocado: An excellent ingredient for moisturizing the skin, it’s a good source of potassium which is also known as the ”youth mineral”. Avocado also boosts collagen production, contains vitamin E, softens, reduces the appearance of fine lines, and wrinkles. This recipe requires one ripened, medium-sized avocado (enough for two applications).

2. Turmeric: helps with acne scarring, anti-inflammatory; calms the skin, dry skin, wrinkles, contains antioxidants and helps with a variety of skin conditions. You will use one tablespoon (organic) of turmeric powder as part of your face mask recipe.

3. Raw honey: antibacterial, loaded with antioxidants, moisturizing, soothes the skin, evens complexion (lightens the skin), heals the skin, and aids in regeneration (I’ve also got an awesome raw honey face mask recipe too! I typically add one to two tablespoons of raw honey to my mixture.

4. Cinnamon: helps eliminate acne and pimples on face and body ( kills bacteria associated with acne production), anti-fungal, adds moisture to the skin by improving blood flow to the surface of the skin, stimulates skins natural collagen, fades acne scars, blemishes, etc. This recipe requires cinnamon powder and not the sticks! You don’t need a lot of cinnamon for your DIY mask; simply use 1/2 a teaspoon full.

5. Spirulina: A blue-green algae rich in antioxidants, vitamins C and E which help reduce inflammation and neutralizes the damaging effects of free-radicals. It also detoxifies, tightens, brightens, lifts, and hydrates the skin. Be sure to add one level tablespoon of organic spirulina and be sure to fully incorporate it into your mixture.

Avocado Face Mask: Preparation

Make sure the avocado is well-ripened. Next, use a fork or hand mixer to blend the honey and avocado mixture. Gradually add in the dry ingredients and blend until fully incorporated and chill the mixture in the fridge for 5-10 minutes. Any surplus face mask mixture can be stored in the fridge for a few days in a tightly sealed container to avoid oxidation.

DIY Avocado Fresh Face Mask: Usage and application

Apply your mask to clean dry skin and leave on for 10 -15mins and then rinse off with tepid water. Follow up with your usual skincare routine afterward. Have you tried any of my other recipes? Check out this recipe from an earlier post right here!

About your ingredients: Where I get mine

A rule of thumb for me is to always buy your ingredients from trusted sources. Even when I buy produce from conventional grocery stores, I make sure that they are organic. The same applies to most of the spices used in both my culinary and DIY recipes.

Etsy is also a great place to shop online for both locally sourced and organic ingredients. While I do recommend amazon for some things, when it comes to food grade items and spices, I stick to local and organic for best practices. In my experience, you’re less likely to get poor quality and or contaminated items.

If Etsy is not an option for you can buy some of your ingredients from amazon once you’ve done some in-depth review of the vendors (I start with the average review score coupled with what the lowest customer review state. It’s a good way to get past those reviews that are either paid or promotional).

DIY Fresh Face Mask: Usage and application

Apply to clean dry skin and leave on for 10 -15mins and rinse off with tepid water. Follow up with your usual skincare routine afterward. Have you tried any of my other recipes? Check out this recipe from an earlier post right here!

About your ingredients: Where I get mine

Rule of thumb for me is always buying your ingredients from trusted sources. Even when I buy produce from conventional grocery stores, I make sure that they are organic. The same applies to most of the spices used in both my culinary and DIY recipes.

Etsy is also a great place to shop online for both locally sourced and organic ingredients. While I do recommend amazon for some things, when it comes to food grade items and spices, I stick to local and organic for best practices. In my experience, you’re less likely to get poor quality and or contaminated items. When I go grocery shopping, I always keep this in mind whenever I’m picking up produce and meat items.

Speaking of grocery shopping, If you’re feeling overwhelmed about how to shop for fresh food items that are pesticide-free and minimally processed, you can grab my Introductory Produce and Pantry Detox Shopping Guide grab a copy HERE!!

 

“Avocados are packed with powerful anti-oxidants that fight the appearance of dark spots and helps heal the skin!”

A little about Tonyé

Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog, helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her approach is “the cookie-cutter method only works for cookies,” meaning she helps each person in a unique way helps them transform their lives from the inside out. She’s not about helping you lose weight quickly. She’s about changing your habits and helping you fall in love with yourself so you can live a life with pure joy.

If we’re honest, we all love to get something special for Valentine’s Day! But, have you ever tried gifting yourself with some TLC?  My 14 Ways to love yourself this Valentine’s Day, flips the script on the usual! Nurture yourself and stop giving from an empty well. To help you get started, I’ve got an introductory list of 14 ways you can show yourself some much needed TLC!

Too many times, we women overlook our own needs and desires in order to tend to those around us. Experience has shown me that on those “special” days, I need to find meaningful ways to show myself some love, especially on Valentine’s Day. Self-sacrifice is a noble thought, but neglecting your own health and wellness will take you down an ugly path of dissatisfaction, poor health, and burnout.

Every year we find new ways to up our romantic game for Valentine’s Day and rarely put ourselves in the equation for some “self” love. Department stores, media outlets, and just about “everyone” out there is trying to sell you something to buy for someone else, as a token of your affection. But I say, how about YOU show yourself some love! Prove to yourself, that you matter. Show yourself that you are more than enough without needing someone else to validate your worth. 14 Ways to love yourself this Valentine’s Day, helps you do just that!

With that in mind, I’ve pulled together  helpful ways that you can show yourself some TLC. These 14 ways to love yourself this Valentine’s Day will help you shift the way you think about yourself as well as begin to set concrete standards (i.e. boundaries) for how you allow yourself to be treated. You can read more about shifting your mindset and ditching the guilt and self-sabotage in one of my earlier posts here.

Carving out space for loving yourself:

1. Screen your phone calls (keep conversations /interactions with disruptive people to a min, including family members-aka, boundaries)Pick your “yeses”- don’t say yes to everything or everyone; to avoid falling into the “superwoman” trap.
2. Eat mindfully-savor your food/meals, don’t rush through eating like a truck driver at a truck stop. It’s not healthy and it’s also stressful.
3. Meditate. As much I moan and groan about this sometimes, taking up meditation is literally life-changing!
4. However or whenever you do it; sleep. Whether it’s in chunks of 3, 3 hr “naps” per day; it’s critical that you power down enough to get quality sleep.
5. Take yourself on a “self-date night”! That’s right. Go see a movie, go to dinner, etc by and with yourself. You’ll be amazed at how much this exercise will help you gain self-confidence and a sense of self. It forces you to confront any insecurities you might have about o.p.e and especially the external view of you.
6. Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers. It doesn’t have to be over-the-top pricey, so appreciate the woman you are by treating yourself the way you want to be treated. When you do this, it signals your subconscious to internalize the fact that you are worthy of both love and appreciation. Also, you’re shifting your mindset into one of positivity and gratitude.

These 14 ways to love yourself this Valentine’s Day is an ever-growing list of activities that help me remain grounded and mindful.

Here are some more quick tips on how to love yourself this  Valentine’s Day:

7. Take a social media vacation: yes. Turn off and tune out all social media for at least 24 hrs. In fact, there are a number of studies that support the idea that too much social media surfing negatively impacts mental health and wellness.

8. Take a detox relaxation bath. That’s right ladies! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come home from a long stressful day at work, stripped out of clothes, and jumped in the shower even though what I really wanted was a long relaxing bath.

9. Journal. If you’ve never journaled before, this is a great time to start. You can use this as an opportunity to really have a conversation with your core self. It’s also a great way to help you get in touch with your feeling.

10.  Show some love to the person you see in the mirror today. That’s right. Sit yourself down, gaze into the mirror, and accept everything that you are today, including your imperfections. How do you do this? First, you need to accept the fact that you are far from perfect and that’s true for every other person on the planet. Next, speak aloud about everything you have accomplished to date and express your gratitude for this day.

Here are a few more ideas to round out your Valentine’s Day self-love session:

11.  Get creative! Yes, this is a great time to really dig into your inner creativity; we’ve all got it. It can be something as simple as trying out a new recipe from Pinterest or your favorite cookbook to painting a nature scene. Whatever you do, make sure it’s something that sparks your inner child.

12.  Touch every part of you. All right, here is where we’re digging deep and headed into some not so comfortable places. By this I mean, wrap your arms around yourself, and speak loving words of appreciation and acceptance to yourself about your body. You can either stand or sit in front of a mirror or find a meditation space.

13.  Deliberately structure a day for yourself alone. This is an important exercise. Don’t call any loved ones, friends, acquaintances, etc just be very deliberate about structuring a day that is fully dedicated to your own needs (and I don’t mean running errands or to-dos). Use this 24 hour period “mindfully” engage with your inner self; digging into those areas of yourself that you’ve neglected. Next, after taking the time to do this, end the day with a ceremonial (i.e. deep breathing exercise accompanied by a personal self-affirmation, etc) activity to seal your intentions.

14. Breathe. Do some deep breathing exercises and keep your mind completely blank. Just, stay in the moment and don’t allow your mind to drift beyond the present. When you do this, you release stress and mental clutter, so try it!

Final Thoughts on How to love yourself this Valentine’s Day (and every other day of the year):

These are just a few ideas for how you can show yourself some love this Valentine’s Day however if it’s a struggle I’m far from surprised. Read up on why it’s so hard for women to self-care and more in one of my earlier posts right here! Here’s another thought: get out of your comfort zone and embark on a self-care retreat to revive, rejuvenate, and empower you! At the end of the day, it’s all about honoring who you are, your needs, and embracing your authentic self. My hope for you is that this list of 14 ways to love yourself this Valentine’s Day, marks the beginning of your self-care journey.

About the author

Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog, helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her approach is “the cookie-cutter method only works for cookies,” meaning she helps each person in a unique way helps them transform their lives from the inside out. She’s not about helping you lose weight quickly. She’s about changing your habits and helping you fall in love with yourself so you can live a life with pure joy.

One of the most striking features about “Unleashing Her Wild”  is the level of discomfort and raw truth you experience within these pages. Each story draws you into experience life-changing events for each of these women. I cried and I got angry.  In some instances, I was triggered by some aspects of this book. 

A book every woman needs to read!

We, women, know, and yet many of us remain silent. “Unleashing Her Wild” is both a challenge and manifesto for women everywhere, to embrace their true selves. It is a call to own our imperfections, and reclaim our feminine power. While it may not have all the answers, “Unleashing Her Wild” asks us to look inside and make the choice. Are we going to be brave? Are we going to be brave enough to not allow ourselves to be forced into conformity and caricatures of who we are as both women and humans?

Who we are as  women when we “Unleash” our inner wild woman

We are human but our power is in embracing our own feminine energies. In it, we recognize that while it is different than the masculine force, it is in no way inferior or lacking in its ability to effect change.  It’s feminine, it’s beautiful, and it’s divine!  Unleashing Her Wild is a great collection of stories told by women walking separate and unique paths who are sharing their collective ancestral wisdom and experiences with us all.

You can snag your copy from my virtual bookshelf right here!

A Closer Look at Unleashing Her Wild

I won’t give away the goodies here, but I will highlight just a few of those stories that resonated with me on a deeper level. In the first chapter entitled, “The Remembering” (by Donna Tack), I  was deeply moved.  Her story took me through an almost “shamanistic” journey in which I saw her move from the darkest places of her being to one of revelation, awakening, and empowerment. “Remembering” resonated with me because I found similarities between her story and my own. It is something I know to be true for a majority of the stories in this collection.

Next must-read

In “We Always Get A Choice” (by Michelle Arnold), her story was equally poignant and raw. I found myself near tears as I read the struggle in her journey; my heart growing tight with both pain and hope as I connected with her experiences. All of these women candidly share their vulnerabilities, sharp edges, and victories along the path to true awakening and empowerment-oh, those “choices” she had to make!

Another captivating chapter in Unleashing Her Wild is called “Color Outside The Line” (by Kiki Carr). In it, she shares her struggle to break free from and victory over socio-cultural perceptions (aka, other people’s expectations, etc), self-worth, and discovering what it means to truly be “wild”, authentic and grounded in her own power.

A powerful and evocative retelling of life experience as a pathway to growth

These are just a few of the life-changing stories within the pages of this book, but all have the power to change and transform each of our lives in a meaningful way. All in all, there are a total of ten chapters with each story weaving and connecting with one another under the umbrella of a single unifying theme. This divine feminine energy cocreates with us. With it we are tapping into our intuition, our experiences, and ultimately empowering us to rise into who we were always meant to be.

My Final Thoughts on “Unleashing Her Wild”

Each woman’s story calls us to be brave, to break the silence, and throw off the shackles of “other people’s expectations”. We also need to be our authentic selves without fear. Ultimately, what I gained here was a sense of sisterhood. I left with hope and a birds-eye-view of what happens when you embark on a journey of healing and empowerment.  Needless to say, there is power and freedom in self-discovery when added to a growth mindset!

I talk about these topics and more, in two of my articles at HuffPost’s Thrive Global online magazine right here and here! Also, share your thoughts on women’s self-care in the context of self-worth in an earlier post this year.

About the author

Tonye Tariah is a Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads. She helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits. She believes that “the cookie-cutter method only works for cookies”. Meaning, she helps each woman in a  way that is unique to her needs. By doing this, she’s better able to help them transform their lives from the inside out. It’s not about helping you lose weight quickly. Her process is about changing habits and helping women fall in love with themselves so they can be both healthy and fulfilled!

My go-to meal on the go!

We all know that we should eat better to live better! But when you’re busy and running around trying to check off all of your to-dos, the quality of the food you put into your “temple”, tends to suffer. I’ve found that a nutrient-dense superfood smoothie is a perfect antidote!

When it comes to making the most out of one meal, I’ve got this one beat! I came up with the ultimate superfood smoothie recipe, out of necessity. Working in healthcare is very stressful and truly is a labor of love. But when it comes to your own self-care, it’s far too easy to neglect your own needs. This is especially true as you tend to those who are sick and require your care. My goal was simple. Pack the most beneficial and powerful nutrients into a simple dense packet that can be quickly consumed on the go!

I did my research, found some of the most powerful superfoods needed to combat a high-stress and high-intensity lifestyle on the go, and tastes good! Voila! A powerhouse-nutrient dense superfood smoothie on the go folks! It tastes good, makes you feel rejuvenated, and helps bring those “fight-or-flight” hormones back into alignment.

For your ultimate superfood smoothie, you will need:

1. 1/3 tsp of ashwagandha root powder.
2. 1/2 Tsp of Moringa oleifera leaf powder
3. 1 level tsp of spirulina
4. 1 tsp (or 5grams) of Dr. Mercola’s fermented beet powder
5. 1/3 teaspoon of cinnamon
6. 1/2 teaspoon of turmeric powder
7. 1/2 cup frozen or fresh organic berry medley ( also available at trader joe’s)
8. 8 fluid oz (or 29.57 grams) of almond milk

You can also make this smoothie the day before. I usually just blend the dry ingredients into my smoothie before I dash out at the start of my day.

Here are some of the benefits of the main ingredient in my ultimate superfood smoothie:

1. Ashwagandha-  known to be a highly prized, adaptogenic super root, used frequently in Ayurvedic medicine to increase vitality, relieve stress, and boost brain and cognitive function.
2. Moringa oleifera leaf powder- the miracle leaf rich in calcium, iron, potassium, and vitamin A as well as all the essential amino acids (comparable to wheatgrass, spiraling and chlorella. It’s also high in protein, vitamin A, calcium, and essential amino acids).
3. Spirulina- has the highest protein and beta carotene levels of all green superfoods and also has naturally occurring GLA ( Gamma Linolenic Acid), a popular fatty acid with numerous health benefits.
4. Turmeric- Is known to be an anti-inflammatory powerhouse.

These are just a few of the benefits of incorporating a superfood smoothie into your daily selfcare routine! Also, if you want to find out more about the benefits of these and other spices, check out my recipe for anti-inflammatory detox beverage and more right here!

About the author

Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog, helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her approach is “the cookie-cutter method only works for cookies,” meaning she helps each person in a unique way helps them transform their lives from the inside out. She’s not about helping you lose weight quickly. She’s about changing your habits and helping you fall in love with yourself so you can live a life with pure joy.

Why Selfcare is difficult for women

I know how difficult it is to find time to actually practice self-care. Like most women around the world, each day is usually a constant balancing act of taking care of other people, their expectations, and a whole slew of obligations! Regardless of what corner of the world we live in, selfcare is difficult for women to varying degrees.

The daily reality for the average woman

There are few women in the real world, who can say they are always able to make time for their self-care needs and without the guilt and burden of constantly trying to live up to the expectations of others (including society). For every woman that has struggled to break free from that cycle of guilt around making time for their own self-care and their needs in general, it really is “all in your head!”.  Yes, selfcare is difficult for women-especially if you’re trying to first meet the needs and expectations of other people, etc.

What selfcare is not

Let’s be clear, doing for both family and community is something we should all aspire to but that is not to say that one should neglect one’s own wellbeing. Historically, women have had to choose between their own self-care and the needs of others. That’s in addition to the demands made by society and culture.

A bit of history about the self-care movement 

The self-care movement was birthed during the anti-war and civil rights movements. It has it’s origins in the medical sphere as both physicians and academicians were looking at strategies to mitigate the effects of high-stress work environments on healthcare workers. Later on, it transformed into a broader movement as it became politicized during the civil rights and women’s movement of the ’60s and early ’70s.

With that in mind here are a few quick tips to help you begin to break the cycle

1. Start saying “NO”! I know it sounds easy, but I also know how difficult it is to do this when you have been conditioned and silenced by society for so long. Like most women, I put my needs, desires, and health far below that of family and other obligations. I also watched women in my family and lineage suffer the same fate. Experience has shown me that the only way to break the cycle is to start with the word “NO”.  Believe it or not, this one word contains a lot of power and has the effect of shaking up the status quo and activates a place in your core that has long been silent and ineffectual.

2. Know what it means to have boundaries and create them (if you don’t know).  It starts with self-discovery and identifying what is in alignment with your inner self versus what is in violation of those core beliefs and or elements.

3. Stop asking for permission to self-care. Again, sounds pretty straight forward but it will surprise you to find out how much resistance you encounter when you begin to assert yourself and enforce your boundaries!

4. Take ownership of your entire self (i.e. self-acceptance) including the good, the bad and the ugly. After all, if you don’t accept yourself, you can not expect anyone else to do so either.

What you can expect on this journey:

As I mentioned earlier, be prepared for some push-back when you begin to use your voice and as you put your boundaries in place. That being said, the freedom and level of transformation are more than worth it!

What you will gain this journey:

One of the most meaningful gains from this process is empowerment. Freedom from self-sabotage and servitude to other people’s expectations is no small accomplishment. Especially when it means regaining your power and ability to speak your truth without the fear of being judged or shamed into silence. Click this link to find out more about how to break the cycle of O.P.E!

Before you go

At the end of the day, if you don’t value your health and wellbeing, no one else will. That’s the harsh truth of the matter. If you’re struggling to come up with good selfcare ideas in the midst of this global “lockdown, read  “14 Ways To Love Yourself 365 Days A Year”14 Ways To Love Yourself This Valentine’s Day

About the author

Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog. She helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her belief is that “the cookie-cutter method only works for cookies”. This means that she helps each woman in a way that is unique to each woman. By doing this, she’s better able to help them transform their lives from the inside out. Her ultimate goal is to help women become healthy and empowered through the transformative self-care journey!

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The sun is shining, the temperature is rising and it’s time to switch up your skincare regime for a new season. We all have a tendency to lose track of the fact that our skin is an organ that requires a lot of care and in some instances, it too needs a good detox!

In addition to good nutrition and exercise, you can’t escape the fact that it’s also necessary to adopt a skincare regime that is tailored to your own skin type. You also need to account for any skincare sensitivities or issues that are unique to your own biology. In other words, if you’ve got finicky skin, you need to find those products that work best for your particular skin type.

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Experience has shown me that the fewer ingredients present in your skincare products, the better off your skin will be in the long run. Avoid products with a ridiculously long list of ingredients as well as chemicals (i.e. talc, hydroquinone, butyl paraben, propyl paraben, etc) which can have long-term damaging effects on your body systems.

While most if not all of those listed above have been banned in Europe, the U.S. has been slow to make significant progress towards protecting consumers from potentially harmful (i.e. carcinogens, immune system disruptors, etc) chemicals lurking in our skincare products.

I always advocate knowing what’s in your food as well as what’s in your skincare products. Why? YOUR SKIN is an organ and what you put on its surface eventually makes its way into other areas of your body (i.e. other organs, etc). REMEMBER: Your skin has pores and it’s permeable, in other words, don’t put toxic crap on your skin because it will be transported to your blood stream, etc.

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So to recap; it’s not enough to exercise, eat healthy nutrient-dense foods, and incorporate mindfulness into your daily activities. You also need to ensure that you minimize your exposure to toxic and harmful chemicals in your environment. The best place to start is with your food and personal care items and work your way outwards in terms of laundry detergents, household cleaning products, etc.

If you’re not sure how or where to get started you can grab a FREE copy of my Pantry Detox Guide right HERE and start with what’s in your kitchen pantry and refrigerator!

My passion and commitment to women’s health and fitness is personal and built on my own experiences and training in healthcare, my personal journey as well as a personal tragedy! I don’t take this fight lightly because it truly is a matter of life or death; knowledge is power!

Take the journey with me to fitness, balance, and empowerment when you book your FREE 30 min clarity session with me right HERE:

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Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog, helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her approach is “the cookie cutter method only works for cookies,” meaning she helps each person in a unique way helps them transform their lives from the inside out. She’s not about helping you lose weight quick. She’s about changing your habits and helping you fall in love with yourself so you can live a life with pure joy.

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Setting boundaries is something that is huge for me, moving into a new month! Lately, I find myself butting heads with the notion of setting boundaries versus barriers and knowing the difference between the two. Too often, we default to creating barriers to own success or growth out of fear or insecurity. We often deceive ourselves into thinking (and accepting) it was the former rather than the later.

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It’s never easy when you find you have to call yourself out on your own B.S., but there you go! Better to call it out at the onset than to find yourself stagnating in the quagmire of your own crap having missed on opportunities and life. So what’s the big deal? What does it even mean when we say, setting boundaries and not, barriers? First, let’s get the dictionary definition of “boundary” and “barrier” to get some clarity. According to the online edition of Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, “a boundary is something that shows where an area ends and another area begins; a point or limit that indicates where two things become different.”

Making the distinction between setting boundaries versus boundaries

On the other hand, a barrier is defined as “something that prevents or blocks movement from one place to another; a law, rule, problem, etc., that makes something difficult or impossible.” Some might ask, why the exercise in definitions that seem relatively self-explanatory? I say, there’s a lot to be learned here; namely, your mindset plays a huge role in how you relate to other people, things, and ultimately, your lifestyle. I say this because our mindset often determines whether or not we see an opportunity before us or an obstacle or barrier.

In the context of health and wellness, the notion of self-care is seen as either an opportunity for personal renewal and growth or an obstacle to one’s achieving the completion of a set of tasks, to-do lists, etc. In this setting, your health will ALWAYS be the loser when it’s stacked against that venerable to-do list which always seems to take priority over everything else in our lives. This list I might add, that we often hide behind out of fear, uncertainty, doubt or inadequacy (at least in our own minds). This is where the shift in mindset needs to come into play!

When you realize and accept that those “tasks, to-do’s”, etc, will always be there (yes people, that’s the cycle of life; nothing ever really stops until it ceases to exist so get used to it) you can release yourself from that false sense of control that you’ve allowed yourself to be imprisoned by. The truth is, your health and fitness are central to manifesting your vision for your life because without them (a.k.a mind-body-spirit in balance) there is little hope of seeing that through to fruition.

Balance as a central feature to setting boundaries

Balance is one of the central features of a fit and healthy lifestyle and that’s why I never stop stressing the centrality of this phenomena to my clients. If you want true and sustainable health (i.e. mind-body-spirit) bringing all aspects of yourself needs to be brought into alignment. If you’re already at the point of tapping out and saying “enough is enough and time to get off the hamster wheel going nowhere” then, welcome to the beginning of your journey to self-discovery, fitness, and health! Too many times we say we’re too “busy” to “indulge” in self-care but that’s merely a choice (yes, you always have a choice) to continue down a path that has no good end or resolution. Bottom line? Setting boundaries is crucial to your overall health and wellbeing.

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When you say you’re “busy” it actually means that you don’t have “time” to take care of yourself and the things that really matter (i.e. living a full and healthy life, etc). The truth is that you are merely existing and not living! When you are out of alignment on all levels (mind, body, spirit), that manifests as a breakdown in both your physical and mental health; illness and disease begin to impact the whole.

This is at the crux of what it means in setting boundaries vs. barriers. It means making space for self-care and nourishing your mind and body and separating those destructive elements or forces that will take you and your health out of alignment. Realizing that this is not “selfish” but a necessity and indicates a level of growth few are willing to work at achieving (but that’s another topic for discussion). As women, we are constantly pushed and pulled in several directions as we strive to live up to the  ideas of other people and society; the freedom and growth comes when we release ourselves from this when we get “comfortable with being uncomfortable” as we address those internal issues and wounds that we have allowed to fester.

Growth and healing are not always comfortable or easy; in fact, they often require a level of exposure and examination that make uncomfortable seem like a cake walk but it’s necessary if you want to achieve your authentic self. The other alternative? Continue to merely exist and remain a slave to your fears and perceptions of the outside world. What a choice huh? For more on this read “why it’s so hard for women to self-care” right here.

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Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog, helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her approach is “the cookie cutter method only works for cookies,” meaning she helps each person in a unique way helps them transform their lives from the inside out. She’s not about helping you lose weight quick. She’s about changing your habits and helping you fall in love with yourself so you can live a life with pure joy.

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I don’t know why we do this to ourselves; trying to be someone we’re not, live up to everyone else’s expectations of who we’re “supposed” to be or look like? What’s THAT about? You know what I’ve found out? It’s really tiring trying to be ALL those things, almost like trying to create multiple versions of yourself, but you know what? Tragically, NONE of them are REALLY YOU

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Oh Wow! I’m past 30 and I have been blown away about “JUST” finally beginning to know this, hehe he…yes, I guess I truly am one of those “late bloomers”! I don’t think I’m the only woman who has gone through life living for other people instead of for H. E. R. S. E. L. F. but live and learn right?

That’s yet ONE more reason I not only made the eye-opening decision to become a fitness coach and to take up blogging about my journey to fitness, health, and empowerment. For me, it started with the need to get healthy after some major health issues (losing family members to disease and death didn’t help either  ) and a real desire to take back MY POWER which I had unknowingly given up to other people!

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With that in mind here are a few quick tips:

1. Store dairy products at the back of the fridge. While it may make for easy access, keeping your milk at the front of the fridge makes it more prone to spoilage due to temperature differences. This is because the back of the fridge is colder and will, therefore, give your dairy products are longer shelf life.

2. Place your meats on the bottom shelf so that their juices do not drip on other food items (i.e. produce, etc) and contaminate them. If space is an issue, place your meat products on a tray or inside a leak-proof container in order to catch any drippings. Better yet, prep and package your meats into manageable portions (i.e. serving sizes for soups, meals, etc) and then store them in the freezer until you’re ready to cook your meals. Also, separate lunch meats from raw meats in order to prevent illness associated with cross-contamination.

3. Like any other plant, well-hydrated herbs will last longer and be less likely to spoil when you store them properly. Fresh herbs, like basil, asparagus, and green onions will last a good while if you store them upright in a jar of fresh water. Simply trim the stems, cover them with a piece of plastic wrap, and place them in the refrigerator for storage and use as needed.

4. Be aware of where to store fruits and vegetables. Not all fruits and veggies require refrigeration and in some instances, refrigeration affects the taste quality of some fruits and vegetables. For instance, avocados (yes, technically it’s a fruit because it has a seed y’all), citrus, bananas, nectarines, pears, peaches, onions, tomatoes, and potatoes do best outside of your fridge at room temperature or in your pantry. A quick warning though; don’t store onions and potatoes together due to the ethylene gas which can cause them to spoil each other faster.

5. I’ve been doing this for years ( thanks, momma), but did you know it really helps when you wrap your greens in paper towels. They’re great at preventing slimy residue from accumulating and making a science experiment in your bag of lettuce, spinach, or other leafy greens. Simply use paper towels to soak up excess moisture and lightly wrap your green in a few paper towels. This also works for leftover salad greens in food storage containers (minus the salad dressing of course).

6. Cover the crown of your bunches of bananas with plastic wrap. It helps to slow the release of that ethylene gas which is the meany responsible for breaking (the natural process that causes your produce to spoil) down one of my go-to mid-morning snacks. This is a good way to preserve your bananas if you’re not going to eat them right away.

7. Did you know wrapping your bunches of celery in foil helps it stay fresh and crunchy for up to as much as four weeks?  Yep, wrapping it up in foil and then placing it in your fridge’s crisper drawer will help extend the life of your celery. The foil does this by allowing just the right amount of moisture in, and the ethylene gas out.

8. Stop! Don’t wash all your produce at once. I know it’s counter-intuitive but it’s much better to wash your produce as you go if you want to maximize its shelf life. Unless you plan on freezing your food, you should only be washing things you’re ready to eat right away or soon after. This will reduce the chances of mold growing on damp produce.

9.  Another “who’d a thunk it?” If you want to keep those berries mold free, soak them in vinegar. If you’re not going to consume them all at once, simply quick soak your berries in a solution of three parts water, one part vinegar in order to kill bacteria and prevent molding. Once you’ve done that, give the berries a thorough pat dry and store in the fridge.

10. Another great time saver and a great way to preserve your veggies to simply roast them prior to storage. By roasting vegetables such as broccoli and cauliflower,  you can extend their shelf life. Not only that, it’s also a great meal prep tip to have cooked veggies on hand that you can quickly incorporate into any meal.

11. I can say this enough! Store grains in air-tight containers!! While buying in bulk is a great way to save money when grocery shopping, you want to make sure that you store it correctly so the extra food doesn’t go to waste. It’s critical that you make sure to transfer your grains into an airtight container to maintain freshness, as well as keep those pesky bugs away. Do yourself a favor by labeling your containers with the purchase dates so you’re able to keep track of expiration dates and avoid wasting stored foods.

12. Always Double-check your fridge’s temperature especially as the seasons’ change (i.e. summer vs. winter months). You want to make sure that your fridge is set at the correct temperature and that your thermostat is in proper working order to prevent spoilage and reduce the risk of food born illnesses. The recommended temperature is 40 degrees Fahrenheit or 5 degree Celsius for those of you who are using the mks measurement system.

If you’re still not sure where to begin, grab my FREE Pantry Detox Gude GUIDE HERE

For the complete Introductory Produce, Shopping Guide grab a copy HERE!!

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Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog, helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her approach is “the cookie cutter method only works for cookies,” meaning she helps each person in a unique way helps them transform their lives from the inside out. She’s not about helping you lose weight quick. She’s about changing your habits and helping you fall in love with yourself so you can live a life with pure joy.

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