Vegan Nutty Power Balls
Easy Prep Summer Summer Snacks It’s okay to get your snack on from time to time as long as it’s a healthy version! For me, spring and summer mean it’s also time to cut down on cooked foods and go more raw. My vegan nutty …
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Fish Bone Broth Soup
My bone broth story Bone both has always been a thing in my family, so using it as a base for my fish bone broth soup is a no brainier! You can make yours from scratch or use an organic grass fed version from your …
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Women Are Not Your Therapists
For whomever needs to hear this
As I continue to celebrate women 365 days a year, I just want to remind men of one thing: women are not your therapists (or therapy). This is true of anyone in a relationship. Your partner is not your therapist and she/he/they is not responsible for you own personal “baggage”. Historically and generationally, women have been conditioned to accept the baggage of their partners in addition to the demands of society and culture.
Some of the backstory on this
Because women are viewed (in general) as the nurturing and weaker sex, women are often the default “therapists” for their partners and communities. This is regardless of the fact that we aren’t professionally trained or even paid for that “Labor”. But again, this is the nature of patriarchy and misogyny across the globe. This brings me to the whole “women as default therapists” thing. Not to put the blame all on one side, women have their own issues to deal with as well. My point is that, neither partner is allowed to turn the other into a personal therapist! The emotional demands are just too much and it is unhealthy.
Red flags
Also, we’ve all seen examples of this in social media and even in our communities. Asking women to be your therapists is a bridge too far to cross and also puts women in further danger. After all, with everything that’s happened during and since the pandemic, the rates or femicide is rising at an alarming rate. And to bring it back to the basics, that amount of emotional dumping is a relationship killer anyways! It leaves no space for real intimacy or caring. This is because one person is doing the “dumping” and the other is the emotional or trauma “dumpster”.
Another red flag is constant negativity and even clingy-ness. It feels like you’re constantly draining off poison from your partner’s wound. The reverse is also true; you can’t constantly dump on your partner and think that that relationship will last!
The reality
Look, while I’m no therapist I can definitely see a red flag coming a mile away. But it wasn’t always that way. There was a time that I suffered from both the disease to please and being an “emotional dumpster” for my partner. Needless to say, it was traumatic and added to my own baggage that I failed to work through prior to that relationship. So, when I say women are not your therapists, I’m not joking because I’ve got the “receipts”. For me, it always comes back to selfcare. Selfcare forces you to become both self aware and honest about where you are as a person. That means, facing all your issues and recognising that while no one is perfect, we do have to take ownership for both our trauma (i.e. issues, etc. ) and triumphs.
More on the selfcare and emotional baggage connection
Like i said earlier, we are all on a journey to healing and wholeness (hopefully) and no one’s perfect. That also means, we have to be honest with ourselves and our partners about where we are in our journey. Sometimes that may even mean you separate because those differences are to big to bridge. When we start taking on the role of therapist, we open ourselves to harm and potential destruction of our relationship. Also, you can create room for co-dependency which is another nightmare to divest from. Just, don’t do it and if you have to ask then you’re probably already there! Bottom line? Leave therapy to the experts and you’ll both be Much more happy and whole.
Emotional selfcare is a thing
Selfcare is not restricted to what you can see. Selfcare includes your mental, emotional, spiritual and, physical wellbeing. Also, when it comes to selfcare, know that there is no perfect way to do it and it’s also a continuous process of nourishing, healing and renewal. From time to time, you’ll have to make adjustments along the way and that’s okay. There is no judgment or guilt in any of this. Want to know more about why women struggle with selfcare? Click here to find out. Also, for more helpful selfcare tips and ideas you can read it right here!
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Gut Healthy Hot Chocolate
A favorite all-weather beverage As we’re breaking into spring I still can’t resit a dose of my gut healthy hot chocolate to get me through those chilly spring mornings here in the Midwest! As most of you know, I love hot healing beverages throughout the …
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Rosemary Hair Growth Spray
My rosemary hair growth spray also soothes dry itchy scalp, improves circulation and over all scalp health. If you’ve got natural (unprocessed) 4C hair like me, you’ve love this for freshening up those protective styles too!
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5 Valentine’s Day Selfcare Ideas
A day for you
Every year we get excited and anxious over Valentine’s Day. Excited because spring is not far off and anxious because, a lot of us are looking to be coupled up! Too much emphasis is on “coupling” and not enough on selflove and selfworth. That’s why it’s also a perfect time to really hone in on self-nourishment and selfcare. So, here’s 5 Valentine’s Day Selfcare ideas to get you through the rest of February. Needless to say, selflove is not a one of but a practice we should carry 365 days a year.
Valentine’s Day
While we celebrate Valentine’s Day as a day for lovers, love and, romance the day itself, has its origins in both pagan and Christian beliefs. The Catholic Church recognises three saints named valentine. But it’s unclear who the actual Valentine was for which the day is named. Who ever it was, he was martyred and became a saint according to catholic tradition. In pagan tradition, it’s actually an offshoot of the feast of Lupercalia, an ancient roman pagan festival held on February 15. While the modern version of Valentines Day is soft and romantic, Lupercalia was anything but! It was violent, bloody, full of animal sacrifice and rampant sex.
But, lets get back to the fun of today and the notion of love and connection. The greatest thing you can do for yourself this Valentine’s Day, is to love and treat yourself how you want to be treated. These 5 Valentine’s Day selfcare ideas are just a few of the many tips and strategies I practice for myself. Let’s face it. If you don’t learn how to love and appreciate yourself, how can you expect others to know this? Standards, boundaries, etc, are all established and depend on you and the way you perceive and value yourself.
The Valentine’s Day and self love connection
When it comes to self love and selfcare, your approach should be similar to how you view Valentine’s Day-a special time for love! Selfcare and self love are special and intimate practices we need to carry out on a daily basis for a healthy mind-body-spirit. Also, how you allow other people to treat you, says something about how you see yourself and the value you attach to yourself. Are you worthy of being treated with respect, compassion, love and consideration? If all of those things are true for you, then you will have no problem expecting others to treat accordingly.
Here are the 5 ideas for Valentine’s Day selfcare
1. Take yourself on a date.
2. Make a selfcare journal.
3. Give yourself a 24 hour social media and technology break.
4. Reconnect with friends and loved ones.
5. shore up and recalibrate your boundaries.
More on these selfcare ideas
1. Taking yourself on a date is about intentionality and perception. Also, it’s an exercise in learning to feel comfortable with your company and not worry about how other people see you. If you’re feeling super anxious and uncomfortable about going out to a restaurant, theatre, etc by yourself, that’s telling you something. It could be anything from being a people pleaser to someone who who needs other people to give herself value. Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, forces you to go inwards to the place that need your attention (i.e. healing, etc).
2. Either buy a journal for selfcare or make one for yourself. There are so many ways to customise a journal and make yours for what ever you want. A selfcare journal is a great way to do a self check on a daily basis. Also, you can use it to track your progress in terms of personal growth, documenting things you want to address, and so forth. You can also pour out thoughts without feeling like you’re being judged and it’s literally a space that’s yours alone.
3. Take a 24 hour social media and technology break and stick to it. There’s so much noise and distraction from social media and all of our tech gadgets, that we lose touch with ourselves. Social media keeps us hooked on other people’s drama and lives. Constantly dealing in to social media traps us in comparison and competition mode and disconnected from our own lives and reality. Very little of social media is actual reality and much of it negatively affects our mental health.
When you are always looking at other people’s lives you rarely appreciate or have any gratitude for how far you’ve come. When you take a break from this, you can focus on you, set goals for yourself and take stock of life in general. Unplugging for tech and social means you can get out into nature, connect with other humans in the real world and realise that the world is huge and full of great potential.
Some closing points
4. Reconnecting with friends and loved ones is super important for our mental health. Since humans are social beings, we need real human contact and connection, not scrolling through endless pages of social media. When we spend time talking and socialising with other people we can pour into and support one another. We can share stories and life events as well as gain counsel from trusted people in our social circles. This is also a great way to expand your social circle too, when you get out and about.
5. Finally, shore up your boundaries! Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for not just your mental health, but your overall well-being. It’s how you set the terms of how other people engage with you and how you honour yourself. This is also connected to your self worth and the stories you are telling yourself about yourself! If you struggle wit being a people pleaser, setting boundaries are really hard for you. You can read more about that in a previous post, when you click right here!
Time for some me time
As I mentioned before, these 5 Valentine’s Day selfcare ideas are just a few of the many tips and strategies I use to stay aligned and healthy these days. None of it starts out easy, but investing in yourself with help of a coach, counsellor, etc is the first step. Selfcare is a journey that empowers to reclaim all aspects of your life-from your health and wellness, to your sense of self. There’s so much time to get on the right track to transforming your life in a way that’s meaningful for you and will also allow you to reclaim your authentic self. Also, sign up with this link for a FREE 20 min clarity session to help get started on your self are journey!!
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People Pleasing And Why Women Do It
People Pleasing It’s no big secret that many of us are either people pleasers or recovering people pleasers. What is new, is that women all over the world, are finally saying enough is enough! While some folks are probably saying, what’s the big deal? The …
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3 Reasons Why Your New Years Resolution is Not Working
Time for a new you! Yes ladies, its the New Year and as usual you’re ready to through in the proverbial towel because it’s looking like this year is going to be a repeat of 2021! Guess what? You’re not alone. I’m going to give …
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Winter Spice Chai
A cozy tea for the winter
In case you’re wondering, I’m something of a tea fanatic, especially when it comes to spiced and herbal teas. Once fall and winter set in, it’s time for my favorite winter spice chai (tea) along with a few tasty snacks! This is also my go-to tea for those days when I’m feeling like my body needs an extra boost to fight off the sniffles. While this is similar to the Indian version of chai, my recipe has literally been winterized, lol!
Quick side note: this post may contain affiliate links from which I receive a small percentage from any sales using these links.
What does it do?
I love this winter spice chai because it’s not just delicious, it’s what i like to call, a “multi-purpose tea”. Meaning, all or most of the ingredients have anti-inflammatory properties and support the body’s ability to heal itself and ward off illness. Not only that, this recipe is an easy one that can be made up in bulk and refrigerated for a few days. In other words, this tea works as both a treat and as a remedy for common digestive ailments including the sniffles!
Ingredients
- Ginger (ground or fresh)
- Cardamom
- Nigerian / African chili powder (ground hot African chili peppers)
- Black and red pepper corns (ground)
- Turmeric (ground or fresh)
- Cinnamon
- Nutmeg
- Star anise
- cloves
- Organic raw honey or brown sugar
- Vanilla (beans or extract- 1/2 teaspoon)
- Almond extract (1/4 teaspoon)
- Cold pressed raw coconut oil (1 table spoon to 32 ounces)
- Goat milk (or you can use Nut or oat milk for the vegan version)
- Filtered water
- Organic black tea
Health benefits
Just in case you’re wondering, if you’re looking for a hot and soothing beverage that will ease your tummy after all of that holiday food, this tea is the one you want to drink. Ginger, cardamom and star anise, are great for reliving bloating, indigestion as well as nausea. Turmeric, one of my favorite add-ins, is anti-inflammatory and helps to support the body’s immune system. The same is true of ginger, which is also anti-bacterial and anti-microbial. Cardamom is warming and soothing to the stomach and also helps with indigestion. You can check out some of my earlier posts right here to read up on the health benefits of these healing ingredients.
Here’s how to make it
- Bring water, coconut oil, goat milk (or nut milk) and chai spices to a simmer in a small saucepan or cast iron kettle, on the stove.
- Next, reducing the heat, add in black tea.
- Allow the tea to steep.
- Strain the warm spiced mixture into a mug; this will hold back the whole spices and tea leaves.
- Add your raw honey or brown sugar into your chai and sweeten to taste.
So, as you can see, it’s not hard to make this delicious winter chai recipe. What’s not to love about my spice and herbal tea blends! They are an amazing add to anyone’s recipe book because they are both tasty and healing. You can try some more tea recipes here and here!
My thoughts on commercial blends of “chai”
I’ve talked a lot about why I don’t like fast food and commercialized recipes that dilute the natural benefits that come from home cooked meals, beverages, etc. I’ve bought chain restaurant versions of “Chai” tea (a rather silly name, considering Chai literally means tea) and non compare to what I create in my kitchen. Not only are these commercial versions loaded with fillers and fake flavors, you can’t vouch for the quality of the ingredients. Also, the natural medicinal or healing properties of the ingredients are lost in the production process. All you are left with are artificial flavors, mystery fillers and tons of added sugar! Bottom line, making your own winter spice chai will support a healthy digestive track and immune system, but it will also save you a lot of money.
