What are you doing?
Do you catch yourself always making or being available for everything and anyone? Not setting boundaries? Stop that! It’s time for some self-care. STOP putting your needs aside and face up to the fact that you need to build some fences.
Being selfless, helpful, and nurturing is admirable but, there comes a time when you need to set conditions. This also means limiting access to your time and sacred space. I’m all for “doing” but when or, at what point do you replenish and renew yourself (i.e. self-care, tend to your own needs, etc) or even ask for some assistance for yourself or for a personal task?
When you’re always available you’re NOT setting boundaries
That’s not being unselfish or “giving”, that’s what I call INSECURE; unable to separate your own worth or value from your ability to “help” or be “available.” More specifically, coupling your identity and self-worth to your ability to “help” or be needed by someone else.
Breaking the cycle
In other words, if you find yourself constantly stuck in a cycle (a.k.a. hamster wheel going nowhere) of continuous tasks, obligations, or activities for other people (and finding it difficult to say no), you’ve got a problem and not the other way around. There was a time when I too found it not only difficult to say no but also found it hard to set limits for other people and things.
Balance
Setting and being able to set boundaries also speaks to the issue of balance. It’s also an aspect of personal development in terms of what and who you allow into your sacred space (a.k.a your home, environment or personal space, etc). For instance, not knowing when to say no to a request is a problem! That goes for double for anything that is not in alignment with your wants, comfort level, etc. It’s also a flashing red light that says, more”inside” work needed!
The point
In other words, you shouldn’t feel pressed into agreeing with a position if it goes against the core of your being. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with refusing to engage or feel obligated to do something that you know will take you out of alignment with your core beliefs or feels invasive. To me, that’s not a growth-driven discomfort but rather smacks of someone trying to get in your Koolaid without knowing your flavor!
In retrospect
Looking back, I’ve seen soo many instances where I was not setting boundaries because of my own personal development shortcomings. At the end of the day, I wound up on the losing end of things. I’ve since discovered I’m not alone in this experience and for women, this seems to be one of our weak points. Not knowing our own value and failing to appreciate our unique authentic selves, is what society has trained us to do.
There’s always that one client who asks “what does that have to do with getting fit?” A lot actually! My question to you today is, ARE YOU READY TO DO WHAT’S NECESSARY, start setting boundaries, OR stay on the hamster wheel going nowhere?
Before you go
I know change can be hard, but it’s ultimately worth it. you can read more about selfcare in “14 Ways To Love Yourself” right here. Also, join my growing community of women who are breaking the cycle. you too can start the empowered selfcare journey right here! Just CLICK here an JOIN US AT FREEDOM AT THE CROSSROADS
About the author
Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog. She helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her belief is that “the cookie-cutter method only works for cookies”. This means that she helps each woman in a way that is unique to each woman. By doing this, she’s better able to help them transform their lives from the inside out. Her ultimate goal is to help women become healthy and empowered through the transformative self-care journey!
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