Tag mental health

feature image for selfcare beyond Valentine’s Day post
by Tonye Life Balance

Let me start by asking, can we normalise selfcare beyond Valentine’s Day? I’m like really! It’s a new year and that tired idea of “treating” yourself and calling it selfcare, is old and pathetic at this point. Not only that, it’s costing women their lives, health and happiness! Selfcare has become an increasingly popular term in recent years, but it’s often associated with special occasions like Valentine’s Day. While it’s great to have a day to celebrate love and self-love, the truth is that selfcare is a year-round practice, and it’s something that every woman needs!

The reality of it all

Normalising selfcare beyond Valentine’s Day means recognising that taking care of yourself is not a luxury, but a necessity. It means making self-care a regular part of your daily routine and prioritising it just as much as you would any other important task.

So, how can you normalise self-care beyond Valentine’s Day? Here are a few tips:

  1. Make it a daily habit

Selfcare doesn’t have to be fancy or grand. It can be as simple as taking a few minutes each day to do something that makes you feel good. This could be anything from taking a relaxing bath to practicing yoga to reading a book. The key is to make it a daily habit, so it becomes a natural part of your routine.

  1. Find what works for you

Selfcare looks different for everyone, so it’s important to find what works for you. What makes you feel relaxed and rejuvenated? What helps you recharge after a long day? Some people might find solace in nature, while others might prefer meditation. Experiment with different selfcare practices until you find what resonates with you.

  1. Make time for it

One of the biggest barriers to selfcare is time. It’s easy to put off taking care of ourselves when we have so many other things to do. But the truth is, selfcare is just as important as any other task on your to-do list. Make time for it by scheduling it into your day or week. Treat it like an important appointment that you can’t miss.

Some more tips on selfcare

  1. Let go of guilt

Many women feel guilty about taking time for themselves. We’re conditioned to put others’ needs before our own, but selfcare is not selfish or incidental. It’s critical for our mental, physical, and emotional well-being. Let go of the guilt and give yourself permission to prioritise selfcare.

  1. Create a support system

Selfcare is more fun and effective when you do it with others. Create a support system of friends or family members who are also committed to prioritising selfcare. You can share ideas, motivate each other, and hold each other accountable.

Bottom line, normalising selfcare beyond Valentine’s Day is about recognising that taking care of yourself is a year-round practice. It’s about making self-care a daily habit, finding what works for you, making time for it, letting go of guilt, and creating a support system. By prioritizing self-care, you’ll not only feel better but also be better equipped to handle the challenges that come your way.

Priorities ladies!

I can’t say it enough; selfcare beyond Valentine’s Day needs to be your mantra for the rest of the year. It’s not you being needy, whinny, or some other socio-cultural shaming terminology. This is you making your health and well being, the center of how you move through this world.  For some concrete tips and ideas for creating your own selfcare routine, read this earlier viral post right here!
Selfcare beyond Valentine’s Day blog Pinterest image

Barriers to selfcare for Black and other women of color 

1.  Lack of representation

Women of color may feel that the mainstream wellness industry does not represent their needs and preferences. The lack of representation can lead to feeling excluded, invisible, and not valued. It can also lead to difficulty finding resources that are culturally sensitive and appropriate.

2.  Intersectional discrimination

Women of colour, especially Black women face multiple forms of discrimination, such as racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, and ableism. These forms of oppression can cause stress, anxiety, and trauma, which can make it difficult to prioritise self-care.

  1. Systemic barriers

Women of colour may face systemic barriers to accessing self-care resources, such as limited financial resources, lack of affordable and accessible healthcare, limited access to healthy food options, and lack of safe and supportive environments.

Other barriers to consider

  1. Caregiving responsibilities

Women of colour are often expected to take on caregiving responsibilities for their families and communities, which can make it challenging to find time for self-care. The pressure to put others’ needs before their own can lead to feelings of guilt and self-neglect.

  1. Mental health stigma

Women of colour may face stigma and shame around mental health, which can prevent them from seeking help and support. The fear of being perceived as weak or vulnerable can lead to self-isolation and a reluctance to engage in self-care practices that may benefit their mental health.

My final thoughts

Let’s start a clean slate for this new season by recognising that women are facing a global health crisis. That crisis is the absence of selfcare that has become even more critical in a global system of patriarchy, anti-blackness and misogyny.  For women of colour, they’re are additional barriers to selfcare that need to be recognised and addressed. These barriers include lack of representation, intersectional discrimination, systemic barriers, caregiving responsibilities, and mental health stigma. By acknowledging and addressing these barriers, we can create a better world for all women across the globe! Also, check out this short post more selfcare ideas for newbies!

Selfcare Beyond Valentine’s Day

Recession proof self care strategies blog post feature image
by Tonye Health, Life Balance, Self care

Economic hardships

We’re in a recession folks and that means tightening our belts. It also means being resourceful and finding creative ways to self care on a tight budget.  That also means, getting recession proof self care strategies to help you weather the storm! While no one wants to get down in the dumps over the economy, the truth is that we need to adapt. A recession, economic hardship, etc means finding creative ways to stay healthy and keep your household in order.

Adaptation and resourcefulness is the key

I get it. Who wants to think about trying to workout or maintain a gym membership when we’re in the middle of a recession? Let’s not even add in the cost of transportation, fuel to keep our homes warm, etc? Well, when you understand that selfcare is critical to you staying healthy and getting through the tough times, your mindset shifts. Having recession proof self care strategies in place are like, having a “Go bag” during a crisis, national emergency etc. I know. It sounds dramatic but it’s so true! If you suffer from anxiety, PTSD, etc, you know how important it is to have the right tools in place to help you make it through your crisis.

In the case of recession proof self care strategies, these are crucial for both the short and long term. While humans are extremely adaptable, recent happenings around the globe have left many people struggling to cope. It’s a fight for them to address their physical, mental, and physical health. According to the WHO (world health Organization) and  US News & World Report, things a pretty grim for a lot of folks.

Recession proofing your self care

Focusing on the recession and other local and global crisis won’t offer solutions or make us feel any better. To borrow a quote from Tony Robins, “it’s not a lack of resources, but a lack of resourcefulness”, that’s the problem. To get beyond the paralysis of an economic or personal crisis, means getting out of that “headspace” that keeps you bound. Using your self care practice gives you the ability to weather storms in your life. Not only that, with these strategies you develop solution-based ways of thinking. This will help you to handle stress, anxiety, etc in healthy and productive ways. Also, It will help you stick to healthy activities (i.e. workout routines, etc). The mindful aspect of self care, helps sustain and support your health and overall well being.

After all, if you’re sick, stressed out and overwhelmed, your chances of navigating and surviving current happenings (both local and global), are slim! I’m not trying to freak you out, but depending on where you live in the world and your “resources” things are going to be very tough for a while.

Here a few tips

1. Manage your stress (i.e. EFT, meditation, breathing exercises, etc). You’d be amazed at how much better you’ll feel when you are able to control your stress level. Not only that, stress negatively impacts your immune system, mental health, etc.

2. Eat foods that support your immune system and energize the body). The quality of your food choices can not be over emphasized here. Realize that healthy food is both energy and medicine for your body.

3. Organize your physical and mental space. Get rid of overwhelm by pouring out your thoughts, feelings, etc, down on paper. A good brain dump gives you clarity and improves focus.

4. Create a weekly and monthly budget to keep track of, and organize,  your expenses to avoid overwhelm and anxiety

5. Set aside time (i.e. 30 mins, etc) each day to attend to your personal self care needs. This is separate from to-do lists and daily maintenance activities.

Final thoughts

Recession proof self care strategies will give you the endurance and mindset to make it though. Also, these strategies don’t work in a bubble. You have to consider your environment and prioritise your health and safety first. Then, in that context of self care, plug in these strategies so that you have a sustained plan of action. As always, you can read some more posts for budget friendly selfcare tips right here  and free resources too! Also, share this post with your community and be sure to subscribe.

Recession proof Self care Strategies

Women are not your therapists blog feature image
by Tonye Life Balance

For whomever needs to hear this

As I continue to celebrate women 365 days a year, I just want to remind men of one thing: women are not your therapists (or therapy). This is true of anyone in a relationship. Your partner is not your therapist and she/he/they is not responsible for you own personal “baggage”. Historically and generationally, women have been conditioned to accept the baggage of their partners in addition to the demands of society and culture.

Some of the backstory on this

Because women are viewed (in general) as the nurturing  and weaker sex, women are often the default “therapists” for their partners and communities. This is regardless of the fact that we aren’t professionally trained or even paid for that “Labor”. But again, this is the nature of patriarchy and misogyny across the globe. This brings me to the whole “women as default therapists” thing. Not to put the blame all on one side, women have their own issues to deal with as well. My point is that, neither partner is allowed to turn the other into a personal therapist! The emotional demands are just too much and it is unhealthy.

Red flags

Also, we’ve all seen examples of this in social media and even in our communities. Asking women to be your therapists is a bridge too far to cross and also puts women in further danger. After all, with everything that’s happened during and since the pandemic, the rates or femicide is rising at an alarming rate. And to bring it back to the basics, that amount of emotional dumping is a relationship killer anyways! It leaves no space for real intimacy or caring. This is because one person is doing the “dumping” and the other is the emotional or trauma “dumpster”.

Another red flag is constant negativity and even clingy-ness. It feels like you’re constantly draining off poison from your partner’s wound. The reverse is also true; you can’t constantly dump on your partner and think that that relationship will last!

The reality

Look, while I’m no therapist  I can definitely see a red flag coming a mile away. But it wasn’t always that way. There was a time that I suffered from both the disease to please and being an “emotional dumpster” for my partner. Needless to say, it was traumatic and added to my own baggage that I failed to work through prior to that relationship. So, when I say women are not your therapists, I’m not joking because I’ve got the “receipts”. For me, it always comes back to selfcare. Selfcare forces you to become both self aware and honest about where you are as a person. That means, facing all your issues and recognising that while no one is perfect, we do have to take ownership for both our trauma (i.e. issues, etc. ) and triumphs.

More on the selfcare and emotional baggage connection

Like i said earlier, we are all on a journey to healing and wholeness (hopefully) and no one’s perfect. That also means, we have to be honest with ourselves and our partners about where we are in our journey. Sometimes that may even mean you separate because those differences are to big to bridge. When we start taking on the role of therapist, we open ourselves to harm and potential destruction of our relationship. Also, you can create room for co-dependency which is another nightmare to divest from. Just, don’t do it and if you have to ask then you’re probably already there! Bottom line? Leave therapy to the experts and you’ll both be   Much more happy and whole.

Women are not your therapists blog post pin image

Emotional selfcare is a thing

Selfcare is not restricted to what you can see. Selfcare includes your mental, emotional, spiritual and, physical wellbeing. Also, when it comes to selfcare, know that there is no perfect way to do it and it’s also a continuous process of nourishing, healing and renewal. From time to time, you’ll have to make adjustments along the way and that’s okay. There is no judgment or guilt in any of this. Want to know more about why women struggle with selfcare? Click here to find out.  Also, for more helpful selfcare tips and ideas you can read it right here!

Women Are Not Your Therapists

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