Tag Selfcare goals

Selfcare and the realities of setting boundaries for black women

It’s hard enough learning and setting boundaries, as a woman. As usual, when it comes to black women living and existing in America, that becomes even more of a challenge. Black women are exhausted but still expected to show up 100% at home and in the workplace. For the average black woman, there is no room for selfcare or taking a mental health day. Often times, they are expected by society and culture to exist and toil for the benefit of others and that, in itself should be reward enough!

Some observations about selfcare as a black woman

 The struggle is real and can often seem daunting especially when you consider all of the intersections that we as black women have to navigate daily. Also, historically and culturally, women have been conditioned to allow others to access our labour and resources to the point of exhaustion, if not death. As a matter of fact, it has been so normalized that when we start reclaiming our power and setting boundaries, they are often met with resistance and hostility from unexpected places. It does not matter that Black women are exhausted, stressed and many in poor health due to a lack of selfcare and setting boundaries.

It starts in the mind

I hate to sound cliche but selfcare, selflove, etc regardless of where you are in the world, begins in the mind! It’s also why so many “forces” (i.e. patriarchy, misogyny, etc) don’t want women to access selfcare and are so violently opposed to these concepts. While patriarchy and misogny(noir) are not new-they’ve been in operation for millennia, what is new is the global awakening of women. In order to access selfcare and selflove, you have to first become self aware.

What does that mean?

What this means is that, Black women are coming to the realization that we are human before our we are women, and we don’t need to prove our worth to anyone. It also means freeing our minds from the societal and cultural indoctrination (domestication) that has gaslit women into thinking they don’t deserve to live autonomously or have the right to pursue their dreams, grow, etc.

Black women are exhausted and have been so, for a long time

For much of our time here in North America, particularly here in the U.S., black women have been the proverbial “canaries in the coal mines” of society and culture. Our labour, resources and energy have been siphoned from us, without our consent. The few occasions when consent has been granted it was often under duress or outright deception. Now, the tide is changing as black women and women globally awaken to reclaim their autonomy, resources and power. Needless to say, those who have long benefited from the subjugation of women, are in violent opposition and unhappy to say the least.

Black women at the intersection of patriarchy and white supremacy

Because of patriarchy and white supremacy, Black women have historically borne the brunt of inequity and discrimination. As a result, we’ve been disproportionately affected by the impacts of these poisonous systems and their institutions. Whether it is maternal health outcomes, treatment in the justice system, etc, Black women are the most harmed. In short, Black women are exhausted from the seemingly never ending task of navigating these systems and conditions. Awakening to these realities, rather than remaining on the hamster wheel going no where, is the beginning of the selfcare journey!

A brief reminder of her-story

Arguably, women globally have been the observers and harbingers of what’s coming as we have watched patriarchy destroy both humanity and the planet. Women are relearning “her-story” and coming to realize that we have been lied to and outright bamboozled!  Yes, before all of “this” we had power, were builders, and protectors of both humanity and the planet. In short, equality and equity have always translated into alignment and universal balance as it is the universal order of things.

Selfcare strategies to save your mind and body

Being a woman is unlike anything in the universe and we need to start walking in our power and truth. To begin to do that, we need each need selfcare strategies and tools that we help us thrive and not just survive on this blue globe! Our default does not have be exhaustion,stress and dis-ease. Consistent selfcare means a reduction in stress, fatigue and illness. It also means a far better quality of life and the ability to focus on those interests that elevate our lives. Research has shown that repeated stress, trauma, etc age and cause disease in all areas of the body. This also impacts our mental health status. You can read more on selfcare right here!

So why the shift?

The shift is taking place as more and more black women connect globally. Through social media and other platforms, black women are not just sharing stories and experiences, we are sharing knowledge. As more of awaken to the damages and lies of patriarchy, misogyny and anti-blackness, we are moving strategically. With knowledge and healing comes the ability to get off the altar of other people’s expectations. In this way, we reclaim our health, dreams and passions. Global politics, especially as it pertains to North America, has been a huge eye opener for black women. As we watch women’s rights be dismantled, the stripping away of reproductive rights, etc, it’s clear to see the writing on the wall. Be sure to tune into my YouTube channel as I really go “in” on this!

Final Thoughts

As more and more black women realize the options available to them globally, the more the fire and fight for true liberation burns. The myth of black excellence, proving yourself to justify your worth, begging for a seat at the table of institutional racism, etc is crumbling. Now, black women are finally beginning to make choices that are in their best interest and most of that is founded on selfcare and healing. Additionally, as more black women to begin to seek therapy, do the internal work, etc,  we can expect the societal impact to hit even harder. Arguably, that’s why those who have benefited from unchecked access to black women’s labor are getting more upset and loud about it. News flash: stay mad!

Time for a new you!

Yes ladies, its the New Year and as usual you’re ready to through in the proverbial towel because it’s looking like this year is going to be a repeat of 2021! Guess what? You’re not alone. I’m going to give you the top 3 reasons why your New Years resolution is not working out for you! Who doesn’t want to level up in the new year? But so many times we fall short for a variety of reasons and wind up feeling like a failure and demotivated. There’s hope for all of us though. By breaking down what’s really going on, we can all achieve our goals!

What we know

It’s no secret that most of us come up with New Years resolutions every year, but more times than not, they fall off the wagon. Most people make plans to change their fitness and health in dramatic ways. They want to eat healthier, lose weight, get a healthy work-life balance, etc. For women, these are often lofty goals that quickly fall by the wayside as we struggle to meet the needs of everyone around us. All of that pressure and expectations, take a toll.

Here are a few things to think about

Starting from the bottom up, your resolution(s) is not working because you really don’t have a plan. Second, you’re being unrealistic in both expectations and execution. Finally, and this is huge, you don’t have the right mindset! Now, lets break this down into 3 reasons why your New Years resolution is not working out for you.

3 major reasons it’s not coming together for you

When you have a real plan, it’s not too hard to execute assuming you don’t have any other issues (i.e. mindset, etc). For example, its not enough to say, “I’m going to or I want to lose weight next year”. Vague statement goals like this, only set you up for failure because they lack specificity and are vague. Second, you are being unrealistic in terms of both framing (not framing them positively, i.e. the resolve to stop wasting money or eating junk food) and expected outcome. Another reason we fail, has to do with mindset. This has to do with the story we are telling ourselves as well as the language we are using -negative vs. positive language. I address this even further for women in a previous post, right here.

As I’ve mentioned before, internal work is crucial for anyone who wants to actually see their goals comes true and achieve real transformation. That means reading books like these (click here to access my virtual bookshelf), to help you gain insight about self-sabotaging behaviors. In addition to this, getting therapy, health coach, etc, may also be needed on your journey.

What you can do now

Stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself! Too many times, we add to our overwhelm and guilt. We do this by pilling on the pressure of “other people’s expectations”, etc. We spend so much mental and emotional energy focusing on what other people think of us, our own warped perceptions of ourselves, that we get discouraged and demotivated before we can even see results.

A reminder for women

As women, we’ve largely been conditioned to take on the burden of societal expectations, ideals and, norms of what constitutes the “ideal woman”, beauty, etc. So, when you first commit to throwing off that “yoke” of domestication, it becomes easier to focus your energy on what you want to do, for you. That means your fitness and health goals, as well as overall selfcare. Next, ask yourself what you want to achieve for the new year. Forget about what others might think of your goals and you; simply focus on what you need and want.

More on this

However, before you even get to this point, you need to ask yourself one very important question. Why do you want or need to do this? Is it for purely health reasons? Are you trying to reclaim your power (i.e. self-empowerment)? Or is it, all of the above. If it’s all of the above you need to get a plan and individualized support to help you get started. Typically, partnering with a health or wellness coach is the best way to ensure success. Hey, we’re already well into the first part of the new year. That being the case, I’d rather partner with an expert than go it alone. Why risk winding up with a repeat of the previous year?

Final thoughts

A wise person once said, “the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result”. If we’re honest with ourselves, we know this on some level. The problem lies in our capacity to break down all of this “stuff” that gets in the way of our realizing results. If this is a real struggle for you and you don’t want a repeat of last year, book a free 30 clarity call with me right here! Let’s stay connected here (susbscribe to the newletter) or join my community on IG.