Category Life Balance

A summer favorite moringa face mask 

*please note this post may contain affiliate links and I may receive a small percentage of any sales generated from associated links.

It’s that time again and that means bring out the diy moringa face mask, y’all! This is another awesome recipe that tightens pores, evens out the complexion and, is anti-aging. Not only that, this fan favorite also adds lots of moisture and hydration. As always, be sure to check with your dermatologist to make sure you’re not allergic to any of the ingredients. Since I have sensitive combination skin, I always do a small test patch to make sure and you should do the same.

Why this is a summer favorite

Although I love summer weather, I also know it can age and dry out your skin if you don’t protect and nourish your skin regularly. Also, if you’re not a fan of mystery ingredients, fillers, etc in your skincare, you’ll love this recipe too! Aloe Vera gel, moringa, and rose hip seed oil are the stars of this diy face mask recipe. For me, selfcare does not end with diet and excercise. selfcare also includes ensuring that your skin (a major organ), is gets what it needs too. This is just one of many recipes I’ve created to protect, nourish and fight signs of aging. You can check out another favorite right here (when you click on the link). Also, visit my YouTube channel to watch how I bring these ingredients to life and join my selfcare community!

The Ingredients

1. Rose hip seed oil (organic)

2. Aloe Vera gel (organic variety)

3. Moringa powder (organic)

4. Kaolin clay (organic, lead free)

5. Vitamin E (food grade supplement)

6. Carrot seed oil

7. small glass jar with airtight lid (use only for skincare, 15 pack!)

Skin benefits of this DIY moringa face mask

There are so many awesome skincare benefits in this face mask that I’m gonna keep it short and sweet. First of all, the aloe vera gel is super soothing, refreshing and tightens the skin naturally. Not only this, it loaded with nutrients that help calm sensitive skin as well as adds moisture to the skin. For the summer, this is definitely one ingredient I can’t leave out of my skincare routine. The vitamin E, rose hip seed and carrot seed oils, are packed with anti-aging, anti-inflammatory and youth-promoting nutrients that make this this perfect addition to your summer skincare regime.

As always, be sure to do a patch test to make sure you are not allergic to any of the ingredients in this face mask. So, make sure you check with your healthcare provider if you’re not sure or if you’re taking any medications, etc.

How to use it

After mixing all of the ingredients together until your have a smooth paste, liberally apply it to your face (or body) and leave it on for 10-15 minutes. Again, make sure that you do a patch test to make sure you’re not allergic to any of the ingredients. Next, rinse off the moringa and aloe face mask with tepid water and gently rub it off with your hands in gentle upward sweeps. Then, pat off the excess water and apply our moisturiser and or serum to finish off your treatment.

Easy Prep Summer Summer Snacks 

It’s okay to get your snack on from time to time as long as it’s a healthy version! For me, spring and summer mean it’s also time to cut down on cooked foods and go more raw. My vegan nutty power balls fit the bill to a “T” as they’re a perfect combo of sweet, savoury and nutrient-dense! These vegan nutty snacks are loaded with antioxidant-rich nuts, healthy fats, as well as a number of vitamins and minerals.

More about the ingredients

As I mentioned before, I love meals and snacks that are not just yummy, but nutrient-dense as well. I also try to avoid cooking as much as possible during the warmer seasons. But, that doesn’t mean sacrificing variety or nutrition. The same is true when it comes to creating nutrient-dense snacks that are high on the tasty scale. These vegan nutty power balls are made up of walnuts, pistachios, almonds, nut butter, chai seeds, and other goodies.

If you love nuts, read up on the benefits of nuts and more right here!nuts and more right here!

You can also find out more about about nuts, their nutritional benefits, allergies and more, from this healthline.

What you will need

1. 1/3 cup of fine chopped almonds

2. 1/3 cup of fine chopped walnuts

3. 1/3 cup of fine chopped pistachios

4. 1/3 cup of fine chopped dry figs or or dates (optional)

5. 6 table spoons of organic peanut butter with no additives (salted)

6. Lightly toasted shredded coconut

7. 2 table spoons of organic unsweetened cocoa powder

Bringing it all together

Simply combine all of your nuts together until they are well mixed and then add in your dried figs or dates. Next, begin to mix in your peanut butter (or almond butter) until your mixture is soft enough to mold into balls. You can make them as loose as you want, just keep in mind that you’ll need to keep them in the fridge so that they hold their shape.

Once you have a nice firm consistency, form your mixture into small balls and then roll them in the toasted coconut and lightly dust each one with cocoa powder. Next, place them in the fridge for 25 mins to set or in the freezer for 15min. Be sure to save and share this recipe too!

1. My bone broth story

Bone both has always been a thing in my family, so using it as a base for my fish bone broth soup is a no brainier! You can make yours from scratch or use an organic grass fed version from your local store. Also, as a fan of Trader Joe’s, I love using their organic beef bone broth as a base for soups and stews whenever I’m pressed for time. However, most of the time I have to just tough it out and make it from scratch. That’s because that way I can guarantee the quality of my bone broth.

The versatility of bone broth

Bone broth is something most folks are familiar with even before it was a “thing”. That base from your mom’s home made chicken soup? Yeah, that was bone broth and that’s part of the reason you bounced back from that cold or flu you were suffering from. You can also make bone broth from either beef, chicken or fish. All you have to do is boil down or simmer your fleshy bones to extract the nutrient dense marrow. The broth is also rich in collagen which gives it a jelly like consistency once it cools. Most folks add their blend of savoury spices to amp up the flavour.

Health benefits of bone broth

Now that health gurus have “discovered” the all around benefits of bone broth, its now become mainstream. The truth is, my family has always used “bone broth” and meat stock as a base for our traditional soups and stews. Not only does it add a complexity to the flavour, bone broth has a huge number of health benefits. Studies have shown that bone broth supports the immune system, improves gut health. Also, it adds a variety of key nutrients in significant quantities. Protein, amino acids, magnesium, phosphorus and collagen are some of the main nutrients.

Not only that, when used as a base for my fish bone broth soup, I get the added nutrients of collagen and minerals that increase joint and skin health.

My recipe

Like I said, I’m using fish in my bone broth soup because it’s light, nutritious and pairs well with other dishes. My fish bone broth soup is also a perfect dish for the Easter season! To maximise the nutrient profile, I use my grass fed beef bone broth  as the base.  For this, I use oxtail or short ribs in combination with my favourite spice blend. My spice blend includes bay leaves, fresh ground black pepper, fresh ground multicolour peppercorns, turmeric and Nigerian curry powder. Next, I add a table spoon or so of fresh curry leaves. Last but not least, I add a dash of all spice and Nigerian hot chilli powder (optional). You can find other gut friendly recipes like this one right here on my blog!

Ingredients

1. Bay leaves (1 teaspoon)

2. Fresh chopped garlic (1-2 large cloves)

3. Fresh chopped onion (1)

4. 18 ounces of bone broth (home made or store bought)

5. 1/4 teaspoon Nigerian curry powder (you can use Jamaican if you can’t get this variety)

6. 2 table spoons Himalayan pink sea salt

7. 1/2 cup of sea moss (which ever variety is easiest, I use Jamaican wild crafted)

8. 3/4 cup organic shiitake or baby Bella mushrooms, sliced thin and chopped

9. 2 tablespoons organic turmeric powder

Also, here’s the rest of my secret ingredients for this recipe:

10. 1 tablespoon fresh ground black pepper

11. 1/4 teaspoon fresh ground pink pepper

12. 1/4 teaspoon Nigerian hot chilli powder (to your tolerance)

13. 1/4 teaspoon allspice

14. 1/2 teaspoon onion powder

15. 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

16. 3 tablespoons rice wine vinegar

17. 2 tablespoons soy sauce or organic Braggs Aminos

18. 1 tablespoon fresh grated and chopped ginger

19. 1 tablespoon of fresh curry leaves

About the ingredients

In case you’re wondering, all of these ingredients have many health benefits especially for the gut. To start with, curry leaves have been used in Indian cuisine and herbal medicine for generations. For instance, curry leaves have been used for treating upset stomach, nausea, constipation, and diarrhoea. Also, curry leaves stimulate digestive enzymes and support bowel movement. Ginger, garlic, allspice, and turmeric help to support gut health as well as the immune system. These are just a small taste of the healing benefits of this fish bone broth soup! Needless to say, it’s not only nutrient dense but it’s healing to the tummy as well.

Bringing it together (total cook time: 90 mins)

If you’re making your own bone broth, factor that into your cooking time. Next, you can add all of your spices and herbs at this point. I usually add my spices at the beginning and save the curry leaves for last, and also saving some for garnish. Once your bone broth is ready, you can add the fish no more than 20 minutes before your soup is ready. I hate overcooked fish and depending on which one you choose, the cook time will vary for your fish of choice. It’s important that you make sure your bone broth is well seasoned because it’s your soup’s base. Also, keep in mind that you need to add the more delicate ingredients toward the end of the cook time. For instance, save the curry leaves closer to the time that you’re going to add the fish.

Next, allow to simmer for another 5 mins and then serve it up with a few curry leaves to garnish. On a quick note, the curry leaves are not just for show and should be eaten in case you’re wondering!

For whomever needs to hear this

As I continue to celebrate women 365 days a year, I just want to remind men of one thing: women are not your therapists (or therapy). This is true of anyone in a relationship. Your partner is not your therapist and she/he/they is not responsible for you own personal “baggage”. Historically and generationally, women have been conditioned to accept the baggage of their partners in addition to the demands of society and culture.

Some of the backstory on this

Because women are viewed (in general) as the nurturing  and weaker sex, women are often the default “therapists” for their partners and communities. This is regardless of the fact that we aren’t professionally trained or even paid for that “Labor”. But again, this is the nature of patriarchy and misogyny across the globe. This brings me to the whole “women as default therapists” thing. Not to put the blame all on one side, women have their own issues to deal with as well. My point is that, neither partner is allowed to turn the other into a personal therapist! The emotional demands are just too much and it is unhealthy.

Red flags

Also, we’ve all seen examples of this in social media and even in our communities. Asking women to be your therapists is a bridge too far to cross and also puts women in further danger. After all, with everything that’s happened during and since the pandemic, the rates or femicide is rising at an alarming rate. And to bring it back to the basics, that amount of emotional dumping is a relationship killer anyways! It leaves no space for real intimacy or caring. This is because one person is doing the “dumping” and the other is the emotional or trauma “dumpster”.

Another red flag is constant negativity and even clingy-ness. It feels like you’re constantly draining off poison from your partner’s wound. The reverse is also true; you can’t constantly dump on your partner and think that that relationship will last!

The reality

Look, while I’m no therapist  I can definitely see a red flag coming a mile away. But it wasn’t always that way. There was a time that I suffered from both the disease to please and being an “emotional dumpster” for my partner. Needless to say, it was traumatic and added to my own baggage that I failed to work through prior to that relationship. So, when I say women are not your therapists, I’m not joking because I’ve got the “receipts”. For me, it always comes back to selfcare. Selfcare forces you to become both self aware and honest about where you are as a person. That means, facing all your issues and recognising that while no one is perfect, we do have to take ownership for both our trauma (i.e. issues, etc. ) and triumphs.

More on the selfcare and emotional baggage connection

Like i said earlier, we are all on a journey to healing and wholeness (hopefully) and no one’s perfect. That also means, we have to be honest with ourselves and our partners about where we are in our journey. Sometimes that may even mean you separate because those differences are to big to bridge. When we start taking on the role of therapist, we open ourselves to harm and potential destruction of our relationship. Also, you can create room for co-dependency which is another nightmare to divest from. Just, don’t do it and if you have to ask then you’re probably already there! Bottom line? Leave therapy to the experts and you’ll both be   Much more happy and whole.

Emotional selfcare is a thing

Selfcare is not restricted to what you can see. Selfcare includes your mental, emotional, spiritual and, physical wellbeing. Also, when it comes to selfcare, know that there is no perfect way to do it and it’s also a continuous process of nourishing, healing and renewal. From time to time, you’ll have to make adjustments along the way and that’s okay. There is no judgment or guilt in any of this. Want to know more about why women struggle with selfcare? Click here to find out.  Also, for more helpful selfcare tips and ideas you can read it right here!

A favorite all-weather beverage

As we’re breaking into spring I still can’t resit a dose of my gut healthy hot chocolate to get me through those chilly spring mornings here in the Midwest! As most of you know, I love hot healing beverages throughout the year, and I’m always up for chocolate. Today’s delicious recipe is spicy and delicious with packed with gut nourishing ingredients.

Why I like it

For centuries non-western cultures around the world have known about the benefits of incorporating hot beverages with their meals. From tisanes to coffee, these hot beverages are noted for aiding digestion, soothing upset stomachs, and promoting natural healing of the gut. I always try to add ingredients that promote a healthy gut and immune system to all of my recipes. When you take care of and support your gut health, you also improve your overall health and wellness.

These are anti-inflammatory ingredients and have nutrient dense properties. For my gut healthy hot chocolate, I’ve included coconut oil, turmeric, and other spices. Most folks know that turmeric is a powerful anti-Inflammatory, as well as black pepper, nutmeg, cinnamon, cardamom, etc.

What’s in it?

For this recipe, I’m using organic cocoa powder (organic), cocoa nibs (optional), turmeric, black pepper, fresh grated nutmeg, cinnamon, vanilla, fennel seeds (powder), and cloves. I know it sounds like a lot, but when you combine them in the right proportions, the results are magical! Also, it’s important to use organic ingredients where possible in order to minimise your exposure to toxins and other chemicals.

If you’re someone who has had gut sensitivities or issues in the past like me, these ingredients are super soothing and can really make a difference. I also incorporate some of these ingredients in my gut and immunity boosting tea recipes. You can try one of my favourite ones right here by clicking on this link!

The benefits of cocoa (including the other ingredients in this recipe)

In case you don’t know it, cocoa comes in a lot of varieties and qualities. For this recipe I take care to buy only the highest and purest quality I can lay my hands on. Why? Because this is one of those instances where quality and purity really matter! Let’s face it, you can tell the difference between cheap cocoa and chocolate just from the taste alone. The cheap stuff might be okay for a random cup of cocoa or latte, but if you’re trying to get the health and nutritional benefits, you’ve got to level up on the good stuff.

More health benefits

Cocoa nibs are widely known for being loaded with antioxidants that support cardiovascular health, etc. They are also powerfully ant-inflammatory, boost the immune system and help to control blood sugar! You probably already know that turmeric is also a powerful anti-inflammatory and immune booster. It great for digestive health and has been used in ancient medicine for centuries.

As for cinnamon, you can’t lose with this ingredient. It too has been used as a digestive aide for centuries and contains similar gut health benefits. It’s also known to support healthy blood sugar and pressure. For a more comprehensive details on the benefits of these ingredients, check out another favourite post of mine when you click this link.

You can also check out healthline for more information on benefits and side effects of these ingredients. Remember, always consult your healthcare provider to make sure non of these ingredients will interact with your medication, allergies, etc. Keep in mind, you need to do your own research in partnership with your healthcare provider, and I do the same since I’m neither a physician nor dietician. What I do know is that, all of these ingredients are in general, super nutritious, protective and delicious!

What goes into a cup of my gut heathy hot chocolate

First of all, start with a non-dairy base of organic oat, almond, coconut, or soy milk. I prefer to use either oat or coconut milk for added complexity and creaminess. Never  substitute authentic ingredients like vanilla with synthetic imitations. They are not only bad for you but they also impact your gut biome as well. The same is true for the spices I use in this recipe as well. Once you invest in high quality spices you’ll never go back to mediocre generic options.

A side note about the soy “milk” controversy

While we’re on the topic of “milk”, I still advocate for soy milk so long as it is non GMO and organic. The reason for this is because for some it works well for their body chemistry, while for others it might not be a good alternative given their health situation. There is a lot of research on the topic of soy milk but nothing really conclusive one way or the other. Bottomline, your ingredients matter and this recipe is only as good as the ingredients you put into it. At the end of the day, this gut healthy hot chocolate is nutrient-dense and super delicious. You can even make it cold for the hot summer days and still take advantage of all the gut friendly benefits!

Bringing it together

First, take a sauce pan and fill it with enough “milk” for at least 3 servings and bring it to a medium high heat. Next, add your spices, vanilla extract, and collagen (optional) and simmer for 10mins. Make sure you gradually add your ingredients to your “milk” base so it doesn’t get clumpy. After all the ingredients are fully mixed in, you can take your hot chocolate off the fire and it’s ready to serve. You can chill it in the fridge or pour over ice for a delicious summer treat.

Protecting your lovely locks

Who doesn’t love the herbaceous scent of rosemary essential oil? Combine that with tea tree oil and a few other choice ingredients, and you’ve got magic! We all know that we need to nourish and protective our hair and scalp throughout the year, especially those cold and dry winter months. So it was a no-brainer for me to craft my own rosemary hair growth spray that had all of the benefits I want without the additives. f you have sensitive skin like me, you’re constantly on the hunt for hair and scalp sprays, oils, etc that boost moisture and promote growth. After spending copious amounts on money on many black hair care products, I’ve come to realize that DIY-ing some of my hair care is the way to go.

Why I love my rosemary oil

I not only love herby essential oils and infusions, I’ve found that they also work well for my sensitive skin from head to toe. This rosemary hair growth spray is a natural offshoot of that. Rosemary essential oil has so many skin health benefits as well as tea tree oil. When I first came up with this recipe, I had already tried store brands that made similar claims. But when I read further, I found most of the beneficial ingredients all the way at the bottom of the list! So with some research of my own, I tried a variety of ingredients that had the benefits I wanted. Rosemary has a history of being great for hair and scalp health and so does tea tree oil. Other ingredients like lavender, almond oil, etc equally contribute to skin health.

Why a  rosemary hair growth spray rather than an oil

While I’ve always been a fan of hair oils, I’ve since found that water-based sprays work better and are less prone to build up and mess. I get all the benefits of the essential oils and natural moisture from the water itself. The aloe vera gel gives the hair an extra boost of hydration and strengthens the hair as well. Not only that, it enhances elasticity (reduces breakage) and shine!

By DIY-ing my own rosemary hair growth spray, I get all the benefits and non of the added chemicals. This is not my only DIY recipe for 4C hair. You can check out another awesome spray right >>here<< ! As with any thing else, always check to make sure you don’t have a sensitivity to any of the ingredients. This is one of the main reasons why I started DIY-ing a lot of hair and skincare products. I got tired of expensive products that either didn’t deliver or irritated my scalp or skin.

What you will need 

1. Rosemary essential oil

2. Peppermint essential oil

3. Organic almond oil

4. Filtered water or distilled water

5. Organic aloe vera gel

My thoughts

Like I said before, I’ve tried almost every hair growth and moisturizing product out there for natural hair, and not been impressed. Apart from that, most of them either don’t have the amount of the beneficial ingredients they claim, or they’ve got extra stuff that’s just bad for you.

This is also why I say, ingredients matter and knowing what’s in your food and personal care products matter. To be honest, when I created this rosemary hair growth spray, I was only thinking of myself, family and friends. Then, it occurred to me that other folks could also benefit, especially if they want to avoid harmful ingredients. As much as these mega corporations would like to believe how complicated and exclusive it is to make, it really isn’t. This is a simple recipe and can be further enhanced depending on what benefits you’re looking for. On another note, if you have sensitivities or are taking certain medications, consult your health care provider!

Bringing it together

In a ceramic or glass container, combine your almond oil and essential oil blend. Next, add in your aloe vera gel and mix thoroughly before adding in the filtered or distilled water. After mixing, transfer a portion of your mixture to a spray bottle and vigorously shake before spraying and applying to your hair. In general, this rosemary hair growth oil keeps well in the fridge for a few days and a new batch made fresh every couple of days. Check out the YouTube video below for this recipe!!

A day for you

Every year we get excited and anxious over Valentine’s Day. Excited because spring is not far off and anxious because, a lot of us are looking to be coupled up! Too much emphasis is on “coupling” and not enough on selflove and selfworth. That’s why it’s also a perfect time to really hone in on self-nourishment and selfcare. So, here’s 5 Valentine’s Day Selfcare ideas to get you through the rest of February. Needless to say, selflove is not a one of but a practice we should carry 365 days a year.

Valentine’s Day

While we celebrate Valentine’s Day as a day for lovers, love and, romance the day itself, has its origins in both pagan and Christian beliefs. The Catholic Church recognises three saints named valentine. But it’s unclear who the actual Valentine was for which the day is named. Who ever it was, he was martyred and became a saint according to catholic tradition. In pagan tradition, it’s actually an offshoot of the feast of Lupercalia, an ancient roman pagan festival held on February 15.  While the modern version of Valentines Day is soft and romantic, Lupercalia was anything but! It was violent, bloody, full of animal sacrifice and rampant sex.

But, lets get back to the fun of today and the notion of love and connection. The greatest thing you can do for yourself this Valentine’s Day, is to love and treat yourself how you want to be treated. These 5 Valentine’s Day selfcare ideas are just a few of the many tips and strategies I practice for myself. Let’s face it. If you don’t learn how to love and appreciate yourself, how can you expect others to know this? Standards, boundaries, etc, are all established and depend on you and the way you perceive and value yourself.

The Valentine’s Day and self love connection

When it comes to self love and selfcare, your approach should be similar to how you view Valentine’s Day-a special time for love! Selfcare and self love are special and intimate practices we need to carry out on a daily basis for a healthy mind-body-spirit. Also, how you allow other people to treat you, says something about how you see yourself and the value you attach to yourself. Are you worthy of being treated with respect, compassion, love and consideration? If all of those things are true for you, then you will have no problem expecting others to treat accordingly.

Here are the 5 ideas for Valentine’s Day selfcare

1. Take yourself on a date.

2. Make a selfcare journal.

3. Give yourself a 24 hour social media and technology break.

4.  Reconnect with friends and loved ones.

5. shore up and recalibrate your boundaries.

More on these selfcare ideas

1. Taking yourself on a date is about intentionality and perception. Also, it’s an exercise  in learning to feel comfortable with your company and not worry about how other people see you. If you’re feeling super anxious and uncomfortable about going out to a restaurant, theatre, etc by yourself, that’s telling you something. It could be anything from being a people pleaser to someone who who needs other people to give herself value. Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, forces you to go inwards to the place that need your attention (i.e. healing, etc).

2. Either buy a journal for selfcare or make one for yourself. There are so many ways to customise a journal and make yours for what ever you want. A selfcare journal is a great way to do a self check on a daily basis. Also, you can use it to track your progress in terms of personal growth, documenting things you want to address, and so forth. You can also pour out thoughts without feeling like you’re being judged and it’s literally a space that’s yours alone.

3. Take a 24 hour social media and technology break and stick to it. There’s so much noise and distraction from social media and all of our tech gadgets, that we lose touch with ourselves. Social media keeps us hooked on other people’s drama and lives.  Constantly dealing in to social media traps us in comparison and competition mode and disconnected from our own lives and reality. Very little of social media is actual reality and much of it negatively affects our mental health.

More on this

When you are always looking at other people’s lives you rarely appreciate or have any gratitude for how far you’ve come. When you take a break from this, you can focus on you, set goals for yourself and take stock of life in general. Unplugging for tech and social means you can get out into nature, connect with other humans in the real world and realise that the world is huge and full of great potential.

Some closing points

4. Reconnecting with friends and loved ones is super important for our mental health. Since humans are social beings, we need real human contact and connection, not scrolling through endless pages of social media. When we spend time talking and socialising with other people we can pour into and support one another. We can share stories and life events as well as gain counsel from trusted people in our social circles. This is also a great way to expand your social circle too, when you get out and about.

5. Finally, shore up your boundaries! Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for not just your mental health, but your overall well-being. It’s how you set the terms of how other people engage with you and how you honour yourself. This is also connected to your self worth and the stories you are telling yourself about yourself! If you struggle wit being a people pleaser, setting boundaries are really hard for you.  You can read more about that in a previous post, when you click right here!

Time for some me time

As I mentioned before, these 5 Valentine’s Day selfcare ideas are just a few of the many tips and strategies I use to stay aligned and healthy these days. None of it starts out easy, but investing in yourself with help of a coach, counsellor, etc is the first step. Selfcare is a journey that empowers to reclaim all aspects of your life-from your health and wellness, to your sense of self.  There’s so much time to get on the right track to transforming your life in a way that’s meaningful for you and will also allow you to reclaim your authentic self. Also, sign up with this link for a FREE 20 min clarity session to help get started on your self are journey!!

People Pleasing

It’s no big secret that many of us are either people pleasers or recovering people pleasers. What is new, is that women all over the world, are finally saying enough is enough! While some folks are probably saying, what’s the big deal? The major problem with this disease to please, is that it hugely impacts so many areas of our lives, not to mention our over all health and wellness. For many women, people pleasing is a default and often takes over their lives. Often times, they don’t see it because they’ve been conditioned or domesticated to this state. In short, people pleasing is so insidious that we women, miss it’s huge negative impacts on our lives.

Some signs of a people pleaser

1. Apologizing for things that are not your fault.

2. Agreeing with whoever is in front of you.

3. You can never say no or, finding it extremely difficult to say no.

4. Your sense of self worth depends on how others see you.

5. Changing your personality depending on who’s in front of you, or fitting it to meet other people’s expectations.

6. Prioritizing the needs of others over your own-every single time.

7. Hyper criticism of yourself and others

More on this

As a people pleaser, you often take responsibility for other people’s emotions. You might also feel anxiety around them possibly targeting you as the source of their issues. This often leaves you feeling fearful and that you’re walking on eggshells around a minefield of someone else’s emotions or emotional responses. Let’s not forget, in the case of women, this behavior is amplified even more.

Remember that saying, “she’s trying too hard”? Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. People pleasing usually draws you into the trap of trying to be everything to everyone. That also means, changing who you are to be accepted by the masses or modifying your external appearance to fit a certain ideal. Are you seeing the pattern here yet? That gnawing feeling of inauthenticity or sense that you’re not being real, is typical of people pleasing folks.

Is this you? 

Struggling or being unable to say no is also a behavior that’s typical for a people pleaser. For her, its easier to make excuses to get out of a commitment. But even that is anxiety and fear inducing, often leading to feelings of regret or self-criticism. Also, shifting your actions to fit into what you believe is expected of you is another characteristic of people pleasers. If this is you, just no that awareness is the first step toward healing from this way of being.

Woman to woman, I definitely feel your pain and as a former people pleaser, let me just say, I get that this is not easy to get over. But, growing and healing from this state is more than possible. Not only that, it is necessary in order to grow and evolve  into the best version of yourself. Also, this a must if you ever want to break the yoke  of domestication and laying on the altar of other people’s expectations. Another thing to consider is, if you feel like you won’t  be valued or appreciated without any of this “stuff”, know that you’ve probably got the disease to please!

A few things to really think about

Being a people pleaser has a number of ugly side effects and if you are one, you’ll recognize some of these effects:

1. An inability or lack of self-care. When you suffer from “pp” (aka, people pleasing), self-care is at best an afterthought and at worse, completely absent. Prioritizing your own health and wellbeing drifts farther and farther down your to-do list.

2. Simmering resentment is another consequence of being a people pleaser. Always sidelining your own needs, wants and desires, eventually leads to a build-up of resentment and bitterness. This sometimes manifest in you getting sick, feeling stretched beyond your limits or burnout. Also, that resentment can affect your mood and temperament.

3. Critical and judgmental. Feeling judge-y much? Yeah, you’ve probably got some people pleasing tendencies going on there! Sometimes our resentment can manifest in hyper criticism (of ourselves and others) as well as judgement. There’s literally no room for grace, either for ourselves or for other people.

4. As i mentioned earlier, people pleasing behavior is really bad for your health! The constant stress of trying to be everything to everyone, elevates your stress hormones. With that comes other issues like chronic illness, insomnia, and the list goes on.

Final thoughts

Clearly, being a people pleaser is not all it’s cracked up to be and is something no woman on the planet, should subscribe to! Half the battle is recognizing people pleasing for what it is-a destructive behavior that imprisons you. It traps you in an ever repeating soul-numbing cycle that robs you of your health and ultimately, of living a fulfilling life. Check out my post budget-friendly selfcare strategies for 365 days a year right here! In that post I discuss some great ideas for selfcare that are both realistic and effective.

As always my door is always open to women who need the support of a safe community and guidance. With that in mind, book a free 30 min session with me or follow me on instagram (you can dm me as well) too!

Time for a new you!

Yes ladies, its the New Year and as usual you’re ready to through in the proverbial towel because it’s looking like this year is going to be a repeat of 2021! Guess what? You’re not alone. I’m going to give you the top 3 reasons why your New Years resolution is not working out for you! Who doesn’t want to level up in the new year? But so many times we fall short for a variety of reasons and wind up feeling like a failure and demotivated. There’s hope for all of us though. By breaking down what’s really going on, we can all achieve our goals!

What we know

It’s no secret that most of us come up with New Years resolutions every year, but more times than not, they fall off the wagon. Most people make plans to change their fitness and health in dramatic ways. They want to eat healthier, lose weight, get a healthy work-life balance, etc. For women, these are often lofty goals that quickly fall by the wayside as we struggle to meet the needs of everyone around us. All of that pressure and expectations, take a toll.

Here are a few things to think about

Starting from the bottom up, your resolution(s) is not working because you really don’t have a plan. Second, you’re being unrealistic in both expectations and execution. Finally, and this is huge, you don’t have the right mindset! Now, lets break this down into 3 reasons why your New Years resolution is not working out for you.

3 major reasons it’s not coming together for you

When you have a real plan, it’s not too hard to execute assuming you don’t have any other issues (i.e. mindset, etc). For example, its not enough to say, “I’m going to or I want to lose weight next year”. Vague statement goals like this, only set you up for failure because they lack specificity and are vague. Second, you are being unrealistic in terms of both framing (not framing them positively, i.e. the resolve to stop wasting money or eating junk food) and expected outcome. Another reason we fail, has to do with mindset. This has to do with the story we are telling ourselves as well as the language we are using -negative vs. positive language. I address this even further for women in a previous post, right here.

As I’ve mentioned before, internal work is crucial for anyone who wants to actually see their goals comes true and achieve real transformation. That means reading books like these (click here to access my virtual bookshelf), to help you gain insight about self-sabotaging behaviors. In addition to this, getting therapy, health coach, etc, may also be needed on your journey.

What you can do now

Stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself! Too many times, we add to our overwhelm and guilt. We do this by pilling on the pressure of “other people’s expectations”, etc. We spend so much mental and emotional energy focusing on what other people think of us, our own warped perceptions of ourselves, that we get discouraged and demotivated before we can even see results.

A reminder for women

As women, we’ve largely been conditioned to take on the burden of societal expectations, ideals and, norms of what constitutes the “ideal woman”, beauty, etc. So, when you first commit to throwing off that “yoke” of domestication, it becomes easier to focus your energy on what you want to do, for you. That means your fitness and health goals, as well as overall selfcare. Next, ask yourself what you want to achieve for the new year. Forget about what others might think of your goals and you; simply focus on what you need and want.

More on this

However, before you even get to this point, you need to ask yourself one very important question. Why do you want or need to do this? Is it for purely health reasons? Are you trying to reclaim your power (i.e. self-empowerment)? Or is it, all of the above. If it’s all of the above you need to get a plan and individualized support to help you get started. Typically, partnering with a health or wellness coach is the best way to ensure success. Hey, we’re already well into the first part of the new year. That being the case, I’d rather partner with an expert than go it alone. Why risk winding up with a repeat of the previous year?

Final thoughts

A wise person once said, “the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result”. If we’re honest with ourselves, we know this on some level. The problem lies in our capacity to break down all of this “stuff” that gets in the way of our realizing results. If this is a real struggle for you and you don’t want a repeat of last year, book a free 30 clarity call with me right here! Let’s stay connected here (susbscribe to the newletter) or join my community on IG.

A cozy tea for the winter

In case you’re wondering, I’m something of a tea fanatic, especially when it comes to spiced and herbal teas. Once fall and winter set in, it’s time for my favorite winter spice chai (tea) along with a few tasty snacks! This is also my go-to tea for those days when I’m feeling like my body needs an extra boost to fight off the sniffles. While this is similar to the Indian version of chai, my recipe has literally been winterized, lol!

Quick side note: this post may contain affiliate links from which I receive a small percentage from any sales using these links.

What does it do?

I love  this winter spice chai because it’s not just delicious, it’s what i like to call, a “multi-purpose tea”. Meaning, all or most of the ingredients have anti-inflammatory properties and support the body’s ability to heal itself and ward off illness. Not only that, this recipe is an easy one that can be made up in bulk and refrigerated for a few days. In other words, this tea works as both a treat and as a remedy for common digestive ailments including the sniffles! 

Ingredients

1. Ginger (ground or fresh)
2. Cardamom
3. Nigerian / African chili powder (ground hot African chili peppers)
4. Black and red pepper corns (ground)
5. Turmeric (ground or fresh)
6. Cinnamon
7. Nutmeg
8. Star anise
9. cloves
10. Organic raw honey or brown sugar
11. Vanilla (beans or extract- 1/2 teaspoon)
12. Almond extract (1/4 teaspoon)
13. Cold pressed raw coconut oil (1 table spoon to 32 ounces)
14. Goat milk (or you can use Nut or oat milk for the vegan version)
15. Filtered water
16. Organic black tea

Health benefits

Just in case you’re wondering, if you’re looking for a hot and soothing beverage that will ease your tummy after all of that holiday food, this tea is the one you want to drink. Ginger, cardamom and star anise, are great for reliving bloating, indigestion as well as nausea. Turmeric, one of my favorite add-ins, is anti-inflammatory and helps to support the body’s immune system. The same is true of ginger, which is also anti-bacterial and anti-microbial. Cardamom is warming and soothing to the stomach and also helps with indigestion. You can check out some of my earlier posts right here to read up on the health benefits of these healing ingredients.

Here’s how to make it

1. Bring water, coconut oil, goat milk (or nut milk) and chai spices to a simmer in a small saucepan or cast iron kettle, on the stove.
2. Next, reducing the heat, add in black tea.
3. Allow the tea to steep.
4. Strain the warm spiced mixture into a mug; this will hold back the whole spices and tea leaves.
5. Add your raw honey or brown sugar into your chai and sweeten to taste.

So, as you can see, it’s not hard to make this delicious winter chai recipe. What’s not to love about my spice and herbal tea blends! They are an amazing add to anyone’s recipe book because they are both tasty and healing. You can try some more tea recipes here and here!

My thoughts on commercial blends of “chai”

I’ve talked a lot about why I don’t like fast food and commercialized recipes that dilute the natural benefits that come from home cooked meals, beverages, etc. I’ve bought chain restaurant versions of “Chai” tea (a rather silly name, considering Chai literally means tea) and non compare to what I create in my kitchen. Not only are these commercial versions loaded with fillers and fake flavors, you can’t vouch for the quality of the ingredients. Also, the natural medicinal or healing properties of the ingredients are lost in the production process. All you are left with are artificial flavors, mystery fillers and tons of added sugar! Bottom line, making your own winter spice chai will support a healthy digestive track and immune system, but it will also save you a lot of money.