Tag self-love

Safety and security first

I’m always surprised at how many women don’t know safety and security go hand in hand with selfcare. Selfcare is an essential tool for Black women to navigate the unique challenges they face in the world. However, selfcare is often thought of as being limited to physical and mental wellness, without considering the importance of personal safety in our selfcare. Safety and self care go together sis! In this context, security includes feeling safe in one’s environment, having access to resources, and feeling financially stable. These elements are essential for Black women to truly take care of themselves and improve their overall well-being. On one small note, this post may contain Amazon affiliate links from which I will receive a small percentage!

One of the key ways in which security can be a pillar of selfcare for black women is by ensuring that they feel safe in their environment. This means feeling safe in their homes, workplaces, and communities. Black women are disproportionately affected by crime and violence, and it is essential for them to feel safe in order to engage in self-care activities. This can be done by taking steps to improve personal safety. This means being aware of one’s surroundings, and also advocating for policies that promote safety in Black women’s communities.

More context on the idea of safety and security in selfcare

Another way in which security can be a pillar of selfcare for Black women is by ensuring they have access to resources. This includes access to food, housing, healthcare, and education. Black women are disproportionately affected by poverty, and it is essential for them to have access to resources in order to improve their overall well-being. This can be done by advocating for policies that promote economic justice and by seeking out resources in the community.

Security also includes feeling financially stable. Financial stability is an important aspect of self-care for Black women, as it allows them to meet their basic needs, provide for their families, and plan for the future. Financial stability can be achieved by creating a budget, building an emergency fund, and investing in long-term savings.

Some final thoughts

In conclusion, security is a critical aspect of selfcare for Black women. Black women have unique challenges that need to be addressed in order for them to truly take care of themselves. Security can be achieved by feeling safe in one’s environment, having access to resources, and feeling financially stable. Self-care is not limited to physical and mental wellness, but it should include all aspects of well-being, including security. By including security in their self-care practices, Black women can improve their overall well-being, feel more in control of their lives, and navigate the challenges they face with resilience and determination.

A few tips on how Black women can incorporate security into their selfcare practices

1. Take steps to improve personal safety. This includes being aware of one’s surroundings, avoiding dangerous areas, and carrying pepper spray or a personal alarm.
2. Advocate for policies that promote safety in Black women’s communities. This includes supporting initiatives to reduce crime and violence, and advocating for increased funding for community policing programs.
3. Seek out resources in the community. This includes connecting with local organizations that provide support with food, housing, healthcare, and education.
4. Create a budget and invest in long-term savings. This includes creating a budget to manage your finances, building an emergency fund, and investing in long-term savings to ensure financial stability.
5. Seek out therapy or counselling. This includes seeking out therapy or counseling to help you process any trauma or stress that you may be experiencing.
6. Connect with other Black women for support. An example would be connecting with other Black women in your community, or joining a support group. This can provide a sense of community and support to help you navigate the challenges you face.
7. Prioritize self-care and make it a regular practice.This means including security as a regular self-care practice, and incorporating it into your daily routine.

An important reminder about security and self care

It’s important to remember that selfcare is a continuous journey that requires patience and consistency. It’s essential to find what works best for you, and to be kind to yourself when implementing these tips. Remember that security is a critical aspect of self-care for Black women, and it’s essential to include it in order to improve overall well-being, feel more in control of one’s life, and navigate the challenges they face with resilience and determination.

Some real life examples of how Black women can incorporate safety and security into their self-care practices

1. Example 1: A Black woman who lives in a high-crime area can take steps to improve her personal safety. This includes taking a self-defense class, avoiding dangerous areas, and carrying pepper spray or a personal alarm. She can also advocate for policies that promote safety in her community, such as increased funding for community policing programs. Additionally, she can seek out resources in the community, such as counseling or therapy, to help her process any trauma or stress she may be experiencing.
2. Example 2: A Black woman who is struggling financially can take steps to improve her financial stability. This includes creating a budget, building an emergency fund, and investing in long-term savings. She can also seek out resources in the community, such as job training programs or financial counseling. Additionally, she can connect with other Black women for support, such as joining a support group or connecting with a financial advisor.

Last but not least

It’s important to remember that self-care is a continuous journey that requires patience and consistency. It’s essential to find what works best for you, and to be kind to yourself when implementing these tips. Remember that security is a critical aspect of self-care for Black women, and it’s essential to include it in order to improve overall well-being, feel more in control of one’s life, and navigate the challenges they face with resilience and determination. Also, be sure to check out my virtual book shelf for some of the best books for women this year! Please be safe out there my sistas!

One of the most striking features about “Unleashing Her Wild”  is the level of discomfort and raw truth you experience within these pages. Each story draws you into experience life-changing events for each of these women. I cried and I got angry.  In some instances, I was triggered by some aspects of this book. 

A book every woman needs to read!

We, women, know, and yet many of us remain silent. “Unleashing Her Wild” is both a challenge and manifesto for women everywhere, to embrace their true selves. It is a call to own our imperfections, and reclaim our feminine power. While it may not have all the answers, “Unleashing Her Wild” asks us to look inside and make the choice. Are we going to be brave? Are we going to be brave enough to not allow ourselves to be forced into conformity and caricatures of who we are as both women and humans?

Who we are as  women when we “Unleash” our inner wild woman

We are human but our power is in embracing our own feminine energies. In it, we recognize that while it is different than the masculine force, it is in no way inferior or lacking in its ability to effect change.  It’s feminine, it’s beautiful, and it’s divine!  Unleashing Her Wild is a great collection of stories told by women walking separate and unique paths who are sharing their collective ancestral wisdom and experiences with us all.

You can snag your copy from my virtual bookshelf right here!

A Closer Look at Unleashing Her Wild

I won’t give away the goodies here, but I will highlight just a few of those stories that resonated with me on a deeper level. In the first chapter entitled, “The Remembering” (by Donna Tack), I  was deeply moved.  Her story took me through an almost “shamanistic” journey in which I saw her move from the darkest places of her being to one of revelation, awakening, and empowerment. “Remembering” resonated with me because I found similarities between her story and my own. It is something I know to be true for a majority of the stories in this collection.

Next must-read

In “We Always Get A Choice” (by Michelle Arnold), her story was equally poignant and raw. I found myself near tears as I read the struggle in her journey; my heart growing tight with both pain and hope as I connected with her experiences. All of these women candidly share their vulnerabilities, sharp edges, and victories along the path to true awakening and empowerment-oh, those “choices” she had to make!

Another captivating chapter in Unleashing Her Wild is called “Color Outside The Line” (by Kiki Carr). In it, she shares her struggle to break free from and victory over socio-cultural perceptions (aka, other people’s expectations, etc), self-worth, and discovering what it means to truly be “wild”, authentic and grounded in her own power.

A powerful and evocative retelling of life experience as a pathway to growth

These are just a few of the life-changing stories within the pages of this book, but all have the power to change and transform each of our lives in a meaningful way. All in all, there are a total of ten chapters with each story weaving and connecting with one another under the umbrella of a single unifying theme. This divine feminine energy cocreates with us. With it we are tapping into our intuition, our experiences, and ultimately empowering us to rise into who we were always meant to be.

My Final Thoughts on “Unleashing Her Wild”

Each woman’s story calls us to be brave, to break the silence, and throw off the shackles of “other people’s expectations”. We also need to be our authentic selves without fear. Ultimately, what I gained here was a sense of sisterhood. I left with hope and a birds-eye-view of what happens when you embark on a journey of healing and empowerment.  Needless to say, there is power and freedom in self-discovery when added to a growth mindset!

I talk about these topics and more, in two of my articles at HuffPost’s Thrive Global online magazine right here and here! Also, share your thoughts on women’s self-care in the context of self-worth in an earlier post this year.

About the author

Tonye Tariah is a Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads. She helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits. She believes that “the cookie-cutter method only works for cookies”. Meaning, she helps each woman in a  way that is unique to her needs. By doing this, she’s better able to help them transform their lives from the inside out. It’s not about helping you lose weight quickly. Her process is about changing habits and helping women fall in love with themselves so they can be both healthy and fulfilled!

Why Selfcare is difficult for women

I know how difficult it is to find time to actually practice self-care. Like most women around the world, each day is usually a constant balancing act of taking care of other people, their expectations, and a whole slew of obligations! Regardless of what corner of the world we live in, selfcare is difficult for women to varying degrees.

The daily reality for the average woman

There are few women in the real world, who can say they are always able to make time for their self-care needs and without the guilt and burden of constantly trying to live up to the expectations of others (including society). For every woman that has struggled to break free from that cycle of guilt around making time for their own self-care and their needs in general, it really is “all in your head!”.  Yes, selfcare is difficult for women-especially if you’re trying to first meet the needs and expectations of other people, etc.

What selfcare is not

Let’s be clear, doing for both family and community is something we should all aspire to but that is not to say that one should neglect one’s own wellbeing. Historically, women have had to choose between their own self-care and the needs of others. That’s in addition to the demands made by society and culture.

A bit of history about the self-care movement 

The self-care movement was birthed during the anti-war and civil rights movements. It has it’s origins in the medical sphere as both physicians and academicians were looking at strategies to mitigate the effects of high-stress work environments on healthcare workers. Later on, it transformed into a broader movement as it became politicized during the civil rights and women’s movement of the ’60s and early ’70s.

With that in mind here are a few quick tips to help you begin to break the cycle

1. Start saying “NO”! I know it sounds easy, but I also know how difficult it is to do this when you have been conditioned and silenced by society for so long. Like most women, I put my needs, desires, and health far below that of family and other obligations. I also watched women in my family and lineage suffer the same fate. Experience has shown me that the only way to break the cycle is to start with the word “NO”.  Believe it or not, this one word contains a lot of power and has the effect of shaking up the status quo and activates a place in your core that has long been silent and ineffectual.

2. Know what it means to have boundaries and create them (if you don’t know).  It starts with self-discovery and identifying what is in alignment with your inner self versus what is in violation of those core beliefs and or elements.

3. Stop asking for permission to self-care. Again, sounds pretty straight forward but it will surprise you to find out how much resistance you encounter when you begin to assert yourself and enforce your boundaries!

4. Take ownership of your entire self (i.e. self-acceptance) including the good, the bad and the ugly. After all, if you don’t accept yourself, you can not expect anyone else to do so either.

What you can expect on this journey:

As I mentioned earlier, be prepared for some push-back when you begin to use your voice and as you put your boundaries in place. That being said, the freedom and level of transformation are more than worth it!

What you will gain this journey:

One of the most meaningful gains from this process is empowerment. Freedom from self-sabotage and servitude to other people’s expectations is no small accomplishment. Especially when it means regaining your power and ability to speak your truth without the fear of being judged or shamed into silence. Click this link to find out more about how to break the cycle of O.P.E!

Before you go

At the end of the day, if you don’t value your health and wellbeing, no one else will. That’s the harsh truth of the matter. If you’re struggling to come up with good selfcare ideas in the midst of this global “lockdown, read  “14 Ways To Love Yourself 365 Days A Year”14 Ways To Love Yourself This Valentine’s Day

About the author

Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog. She helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her belief is that “the cookie-cutter method only works for cookies”. This means that she helps each woman in a way that is unique to each woman. By doing this, she’s better able to help them transform their lives from the inside out. Her ultimate goal is to help women become healthy and empowered through the transformative self-care journey!

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I don’t know why we do this to ourselves; trying to be someone we’re not, live up to everyone else’s expectations of who we’re “supposed” to be or look like? What’s THAT about? You know what I’ve found out? It’s really tiring trying to be ALL those things, almost like trying to create multiple versions of yourself, but you know what? Tragically, NONE of them are REALLY YOU

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Oh Wow! I’m past 30 and I have been blown away about “JUST” finally beginning to know this, hehe he…yes, I guess I truly am one of those “late bloomers”! I don’t think I’m the only woman who has gone through life living for other people instead of for H. E. R. S. E. L. F. but live and learn right?

That’s yet ONE more reason I not only made the eye-opening decision to become a fitness coach and to take up blogging about my journey to fitness, health, and empowerment. For me, it started with the need to get healthy after some major health issues (losing family members to disease and death didn’t help either  ) and a real desire to take back MY POWER which I had unknowingly given up to other people!

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With that in mind here are a few quick tips:

1. Store dairy products at the back of the fridge. While it may make for easy access, keeping your milk at the front of the fridge makes it more prone to spoilage due to temperature differences. This is because the back of the fridge is colder and will, therefore, give your dairy products are longer shelf life.

2. Place your meats on the bottom shelf so that their juices do not drip on other food items (i.e. produce, etc) and contaminate them. If space is an issue, place your meat products on a tray or inside a leak-proof container in order to catch any drippings. Better yet, prep and package your meats into manageable portions (i.e. serving sizes for soups, meals, etc) and then store them in the freezer until you’re ready to cook your meals. Also, separate lunch meats from raw meats in order to prevent illness associated with cross-contamination.

3. Like any other plant, well-hydrated herbs will last longer and be less likely to spoil when you store them properly. Fresh herbs, like basil, asparagus, and green onions will last a good while if you store them upright in a jar of fresh water. Simply trim the stems, cover them with a piece of plastic wrap, and place them in the refrigerator for storage and use as needed.

4. Be aware of where to store fruits and vegetables. Not all fruits and veggies require refrigeration and in some instances, refrigeration affects the taste quality of some fruits and vegetables. For instance, avocados (yes, technically it’s a fruit because it has a seed y’all), citrus, bananas, nectarines, pears, peaches, onions, tomatoes, and potatoes do best outside of your fridge at room temperature or in your pantry. A quick warning though; don’t store onions and potatoes together due to the ethylene gas which can cause them to spoil each other faster.

5. I’ve been doing this for years ( thanks, momma), but did you know it really helps when you wrap your greens in paper towels. They’re great at preventing slimy residue from accumulating and making a science experiment in your bag of lettuce, spinach, or other leafy greens. Simply use paper towels to soak up excess moisture and lightly wrap your green in a few paper towels. This also works for leftover salad greens in food storage containers (minus the salad dressing of course).

6. Cover the crown of your bunches of bananas with plastic wrap. It helps to slow the release of that ethylene gas which is the meany responsible for breaking (the natural process that causes your produce to spoil) down one of my go-to mid-morning snacks. This is a good way to preserve your bananas if you’re not going to eat them right away.

7. Did you know wrapping your bunches of celery in foil helps it stay fresh and crunchy for up to as much as four weeks?  Yep, wrapping it up in foil and then placing it in your fridge’s crisper drawer will help extend the life of your celery. The foil does this by allowing just the right amount of moisture in, and the ethylene gas out.

8. Stop! Don’t wash all your produce at once. I know it’s counter-intuitive but it’s much better to wash your produce as you go if you want to maximize its shelf life. Unless you plan on freezing your food, you should only be washing things you’re ready to eat right away or soon after. This will reduce the chances of mold growing on damp produce.

9.  Another “who’d a thunk it?” If you want to keep those berries mold free, soak them in vinegar. If you’re not going to consume them all at once, simply quick soak your berries in a solution of three parts water, one part vinegar in order to kill bacteria and prevent molding. Once you’ve done that, give the berries a thorough pat dry and store in the fridge.

10. Another great time saver and a great way to preserve your veggies to simply roast them prior to storage. By roasting vegetables such as broccoli and cauliflower,  you can extend their shelf life. Not only that, it’s also a great meal prep tip to have cooked veggies on hand that you can quickly incorporate into any meal.

11. I can say this enough! Store grains in air-tight containers!! While buying in bulk is a great way to save money when grocery shopping, you want to make sure that you store it correctly so the extra food doesn’t go to waste. It’s critical that you make sure to transfer your grains into an airtight container to maintain freshness, as well as keep those pesky bugs away. Do yourself a favor by labeling your containers with the purchase dates so you’re able to keep track of expiration dates and avoid wasting stored foods.

12. Always Double-check your fridge’s temperature especially as the seasons’ change (i.e. summer vs. winter months). You want to make sure that your fridge is set at the correct temperature and that your thermostat is in proper working order to prevent spoilage and reduce the risk of food born illnesses. The recommended temperature is 40 degrees Fahrenheit or 5 degree Celsius for those of you who are using the mks measurement system.

If you’re still not sure where to begin, grab my FREE Pantry Detox Gude GUIDE HERE

For the complete Introductory Produce, Shopping Guide grab a copy HERE!!

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Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog, helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her approach is “the cookie cutter method only works for cookies,” meaning she helps each person in a unique way helps them transform their lives from the inside out. She’s not about helping you lose weight quick. She’s about changing your habits and helping you fall in love with yourself so you can live a life with pure joy.

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Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, etc. Wow, who can keep up with all the social media plans? I love having different media to explore, but the unrealness of some of it all boggles the mind! So what’s your story? I always wonder as I look around at the various shapes, sizes, and body types,  “what’s going through her head when she looks in the mirror?” ( I do this a lot when I’m people watching, by the way, *snicker*). Just by the facial expressions alone; some look happy, sad, and the others? Well, I’m not so sure of their place in this colorful complex world but hey, we all have to find “ourselves” and come into our own at some point.

I can’t say I get it as to why we women, seem to struggle so much with finding and embracing who we are; be it in terms of our physical shape and weight (facial features, physical attributes, etc) or some “thing” about ourselves that we perceive as our individual shortcomings or the less “pretty” parts of ourselves. Whatever it is, we all need to stop and evolve beyond these destructive tendencies. Which leads me to my next rant-

I won’t go into details but suffice it to say, it was “mean girls” on steroids; nothing funny about that at all. As an adult I get it: insecure, inadequate, immature women (and some adults in general) have a tendency to lash out or project their problems onto the closest target, usually manifesting itself in bullying or some other destructive behavior ( at least that’s been my observation). If there is one thing we really need to outgrow as females (of any age), it’s turning on one another, comparing (and finding deficiencies or inadequacies, etc) ourselves to other women, and trying to fit ourselves into mainstream media’s warped image of the “perfect” female!

I truly believe that if  (or most) mothers and fathers out there, taught their daughters to value themselves based on what they carried within (as well as the beauty contained embodied in their uniqueness), rather than what’s on the outside, women, and girls would find it much easier to be true friends and colleagues, rather than predator vs. prey, mean girl vs. the nerd, same vs. other. I guess I’m just disappointed to see that we still allow ourselves to be victimized and manipulated by both the media society as we struggle to find ourselves even as we stare blankly at the girl in the mirror…I’m still hopeful that in the end, we (women and girls) will finally get a clue and realize that we are own worst enemy.

About the author

Tonye Tariah, Holistic Health Strategist and founder of Freedom at The Crossroads Blog, helps free women from inaction and unhealthy habits so they can get fit, healthy, and live free. Her approach is “the cookie cutter method only works for cookies,” meaning she helps each person in a unique way helps them transform their lives from the inside out. She’s not about helping you lose weight quick. She’s about changing your habits and helping you fall in love with yourself so you can live a life with pure joy.